EP353 #2

Posted under EP353 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Sugario Awhore, a rejected Mario character. You ended up actually being a plumber but your license has been revoked for being a racist stereotype of an Italian. You wake up with a "WAHOOO!" to see that you have been transformed into the most useless plumber in history!

The only thing you can do is work as hard as possible and hope that one day this will all be over.
In the middle of a particularly awful toilet job, you yell, "Time to take a piss!"

A giant fart hits you in the face causing you to fall off the toilet. As you're on the floor, you hear a voice say, "Oh my God! It's Luigi!"
> You look up and see Luigi and the following 10 rejected Mario characters:.
Luigi, the shy one
Peach, the damsel in distress
Toad, longer desireable when compared to a mushroom
Koopa, the evil turtle
Goomba, the stupid popularized toad
Buzzy Beetle, severely mischaracterized
Magikoopa, the false wizard
Bowser, the angry turtle
Wiggler, a giant worm that could easily be titled "badguy"
You are none of those and have no idea why you're here.
You ask, "What? Why am I here?"
Toad says, "You are a carpenter, are you not?"
You say, "Yeah..."
Peach smiles and says, "We want you to build us a bridge so we can escape."
You struggle to fake your way through building a bridge when Joshi notices and gets suspiciously.  Joshi walks up and asks you, "Why are you here?"
You look up at her. You try to think of an answer when you end up saying, "I thought you looked like a bitch.
> You hire someone off of Fiverr to finish the bridge.
You are so glad that peach is cut off from the internet. If she wasn't you would have a Lawsuit on your hands right now, or at least a lamp thrown at you. Instead you actually pay people.
You order a $5 bridge schematic and also a bunch of $5 food appetizers and gain 100 lbs. You can't walk and have to barly fit in the bridge.
> You hear bridge creaking under your weight.
You are crushed under the weight of your fat and cannot survive the trauma.
You reach for the one thing that can help you: Cory's clothes which are covered in broken glass and flyers for AIPD.
You use your last ounce of strength to rip off the flyers and slide them into the drain.
You squeeze your fat ass into a pipe and arrive in the Mushroom Kingdom. You give the secret plumber hand gesture to the guards at the front of the kingdom and they let you pass.
You yell, "I'm back!" during a large emergency meeting.
You not only interrupt the meeting, but you take over with a new agenda: saving Toad from Koopa's evil castle. The entire kingdom votes to save him, but you ask the one important question that only a plumber can answer: How do we beat the level?
> You go to city hall to get a permit to beat the level.
"Glad you guys could make it!" a voice booms as soon as you enter the doors of city hall. You see a figure in a peach robe smoking a pipe.
"Mayor Moley!"
You slip Mayor Moley a bribe in hopes that he will give you the permit without having to wait 4 months. Moley pocketes the money and leads you into his back room.
"So what can I do for you today?" Moley asks.
You show the mayor the yellow keys you have acquired from the sewers.
Mayor Moley casually removes his pants and underwear exposing his naked buttocks to you. You grab the butt cheeks and give them a squeeze.
The door to the private back room is kicked open and a man leaps in with a sword in hand.
You recognize the man, it is none other than:
To be continued...
Well readers, Koopa has been defeated! Who is left? Is it...
The moral of the story: If you're an annoying bitch, you'll get your Goomba ass stomped on.