EP353 #1

Posted under EP353 #1, Story On By Chief

You are John Guardson, a guy who has been hired to a guard a millionaire's collection of rare glasses. On your first night of guarding, you start strolling around the room filled with antique glasses. You trip over a flyer advertising AIPD and accidentally knock dozens of glasses to the ground. A countless amount of glass gets shattered. You wonder what to you're supposed to do.

Then, something comes out from under the floorboards. It's a small figure in an old fashioned doctor's coat. He looks at all the broken glasses and then speaks: "Hey! I told you not to go through that mess!"

He picks up one of the broken glasses and holds it in his hand. He says, "I've seen worse than this."
> You realize the creature is an eyeglass cobbling goblin.
You look at the cobbling goblin and fearfully say, "Do not kill me! I have to work for too much money for rent already!"
The goblin seems to feel pity for you.
The Goblin picks up the aipd flyer and looks at it. "Hand this flyer for your survival." Then he disappears.
You yell under the floorboards calling him out to him by saying, "Ska-badabadabadoo-belidabbelydabbladabbladabblabab-belibabbelibabbelibabbelabbelo-doobelidoo I'm the Scatman!" But he does not reply.
You look around at all the broken glasses. There are so many different designs for each glass. You think to yourself, "Which one should I take?"
Your millionaire boss walks in and is shocked to see his broken glasses all on top of the floor. He is furious. He turns to you and hisses like a snake: "You loose die!".
You offer him your most prized possession: a gamer chair. It is epic.
He replies by saying, "I want your skin, not a chair!"
> You sneak under the floorboards to hide from your boss.
You quickly get under the floorboards and wait for your boss to come back with his cobbling tools. The goblin arrives and says, "I told you to give him this paper for your safety."
You nod at the cobbling goblin and hand your boss the AIPD flyer that says:
Hello! You have found the Alpha Insurrectio Plumbers disco party destruction. This is an order to all rebel plumbers to destroy the Alpha Insurrectio Plumbers Headquarters.
Your boss invites you to come with him to the disco party. You accept.
You and your boss arrive at a place with pulsating jungle music. There is a red banner which reads AIPD across the walls in glitter.
Your boss offers you ecstasy.  You eat the E.
You pull out you coconut gun, that fires in spurts. You own drug infused blood to your friend and he eats it. He doesn't seem to enjoy it.
"Oops." Your boss says to you, "you've just been roofied."
You wake up and all your skin is gone and your boss walks in wearing your skin as a suit.
Your boss removes his skin suit and throws it in a corner. Then, he tries to shove you in that corner too.
> You bang on the floor boards and beg the goblin for help.
The goblin barely understands that you are in danger, but he comes to your rescue. The goblin saves you just before your boss arrives and eats you. Now the goblin is pretty mad so he decides to kill your boss.
Cobbling Goblin gets eaten by your boss like Monstro ate Pinocchio and you ask him what his plan is.
His plan is to catch a monster that looks cute and blinks from a distance. Then never blink your eye when interacting with the monster. Finally, just eat the monster whole when they get close enough.
You introduce your boss to Medusa. "She needs the blood of three-hundred humans a month to stay alive." You add.
"Isn't she a monster?" Your boss asks.
"Shh." The goblin replies, "It's our little secret."
Your boss says to himself, "I eat monsters for a living. Why do I feel so bad about it?"
The moral of the story: Always ask yourself: Who is the real monster?