EP352 #4

Posted under EP352 #4, Story On By Chief

You live in the hills. 
Brewing Kombucha with kick. 
It's called Komhoocha. 
The most important thing is to get this stuff out of your system, and then you can rest up for tomorrow. 
When you wake up the next morning, it's still dark outside.
> You take a piss in the toilet and see your urine is flourescent green.
Your pee is very bright green, which means that you have ingested some sort of poisonous plant or fungus.
> You visit a local medicine man in the hills.
You walk round to nextdoor to see if the old man knows any medicine that can be used to cure Komhoocha poisoning You walk up his porch and knock on the screen door.
An old frail man opens the inner door looking out at you, but it is obvious that he cannot see you because his eyes are cloudy and gray. "What are you selling?" he asks.
You tell the doctor your symptoms and he prescribes you the following 5 remedies: 1. For a headache, take two Nyquil 4 hour tabs (available over the counter). 2. For an upset stomach, take one Diarfelt (available over the counter). 3. For nausea and vomiting, take one Compazine 5 mg. tab (prescription only). 4. For dizziness, take two Dramamine 50mg tabs (Over the counter). 5. If the fever is 103 F or higher, take one acetaminophen 500mg tab every 4 hours (over the counter). The doctor charges you $200.
You leave the doctor's office without paying and head to the village square where you run into Old snickers mclovin, the cupid of the AIPD multiverse, and someone you know is familiar with fungus.
You describe your condition and ask him what he can tell you about the Komhoocha fungus. He gives you the following advice: 1. Purple Toadstools have a burning toxins that can cause kidney failure, always stay away from them. 2. Blewits, cause night blindness. 3. If you find some honey mushrooms throw them into a pie and feed to someone you want to sleep with.
You forget of your illness and test out the honey mushroom tip by baking a love potion pie for the sexy wood nypmh in the forest.
You head to the forest and go out to search for wood nymphs.
> You eat hungry and eat the pie yourself.
You feel woozy and grab a nearby tree to steady yourself before falling into a deep sleep. Your facebursts off in million pieces and millions more dance around as dandruff.
You realize the honey mushrooms are having a psychedelic effect in combination with the Komhoocha fungus.  You see the most amazing visual of your entire life: The universe in a piece of wood floating in space.
> You decide to start a band.
You've sure got the looks for it with your black hole eyes, and goatee. But you lack talent so you steal Simon Cowell's idea and make a reality show called American Bandstand.
The moral of the bonus haiku: Thrift is a virtue. Always keep change in your pocket. Helping out others will help yourself.