EP350 #3

Posted under EP350 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Kevin, a normal person with a normal life in Normal City.

Today is a normal day, but suddenly, something begins to disturb your normal day. An alien invasion is taking over the whole city.

You must to do something before the aliens destroy the city. You have no idea what that could be though. Maybe you should go back home and tell mom? Or maybe you should just stay here until the end of the invasion when it will all be over.
you ask Mom for help with your alien invasion. She says she has been studying them too and can't think of anything else to do. You don't really want to leave anyway since you got a new job at the mall.
You decide to let your Magic 8 ball decide what to do, you ask the 8 Ball, "Should I stop the aliens?" and the 8 Ball responds: It is certain.
Mom thinks the 8 ball is silly and goes home to her cats, you catch the next bus to the Mall since your also interested in getting a cat....
you stop by the pet store and pick out a new kitty and some cat nip and toys. You guess you will stay here and wait the invasion out, the kitty needs a place to stay after all. You hear the news report that a small group of terrorists are saying they did it.
the aliens burst into the pet store when they are stopped by the famous soldier of fortune, The Sex Lizard. the lizard fights of five men, then seven, it gets to a point where there are 20 enemy solders and Mr. Sex Lizard is very wounded. This is his last stand.
You throw "Grizz"
Grizz is just a kitten, but seems to be very effective at repelling the aliens.  You sneak Mr Sex Lizard behind the counter of Mrs Fields. You know she has a soft spot for heroes.

you fight 100 men and win
Mr.Sex Lizard fell over when he saw you pick up the kitten.
you try to stop Mr. Sex Lizards wounds up with cookie dough. You eat a Mrs. Field's cookie that says "You're No. 1" on it. You level up and gain the following Kevin powers:1. super strngth 2. Become invisible 3. Cast lightning 4. Flying kick 5. Force field 6. Stare Down 7. Phase Three 8. Claw strike
You pet the kitty and eat cookie dough..... then use your claws on the aliens. The are easily defeated.
You say, " I need to go potty. I'm gonna take a dump in the kitty litter." so you go potty and leave a turd in the litter box.
You are just about to doze off when the chief of police walks up to you, not with men with guns drawn but casually.
you offer the chief some cookie dough. He accepts and says "Our problem is just getting started" as he points to the sky. A battleship hangs over head, blocking out the sun. you hear a loud thunder clap and then your world goes black.
You have become part of the C.E. (cookie empire)
You wake up strapped to a table, there are other people around you, they look scared. You hear someone coming and see a strange shadow loom over you.
You see it is Mrs Fields in regal clothing.  She is the queen of the Cookie Empire.  Mrs Fields says to you, "You are a born leader, the perfect selection to provide the workers for our cookie mines. Give them any dangerous jobs and they will die, give them easy jobs and they will have lots of children".
You cast lightning on Mrs Fields. You melt her face off with the shock of your mind.
You are free!
You get up and go outside and see your city under invasion by squirmy wormy cookie monsters.
you run from the squirmy wormy's to your home. You arrive home and your says "I made piping hot cookies"
You are very hungry so you grab she offers and eats them. They taste better than ever!
you can feel your genetic code being rewritten into the ultimate Kevin. You gain the following Ultimate Kevin powers:1. Mind vision 2. Mind blasts 3. Body armor 4. Flight 5. Super speed 6 Mind control 7. Invincibility 8. Stare down 9 Claw strike 10. Super strenght
You feel a new man (A much, much, much, bigger and better man), you flex your muscles and blow off a whole tank of fish hanging around near your house.
The moral of the story: If you have cookie dough, do not play with fire.
Or, letting a cat lick your face can give you deadly powers over men and aliens.