EP350 #2

Posted under EP350 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Frank. You just ate a grape and jizzed in your pants. I'm not going to judge you, but it looks like you need some help getting dressed.
you ask your roommate for help getting dressed.

"I don't think so." He says. "It's pretty dark out here, we could get lost or something."
"We're gonna be walking through the woods after all." You say.
you wander through the forest naked until you emerge in a clearing that appears to be a vineyard.
"Farmer Bob!" You yell. "I'm free! I've escaped from Frank!"
A bearded man wanders into view.
"Frank?" He asks.
You sneak up on the Farmer until it is too late for him and you yell, "Surprise! Frank attack!"
You are still naked.
10 You consolidate your gains and plot your next move. You can feel warm air rising from lower regions. "Perfect!" You think. The caves almost have to lead out somewhere.
you feel your nethers tingling as you hover over the farmer with a mouthful of grapes. your escapades are cut short by Captain Tractor, The Last Saskatchewan Pirate who yells "spit out those grapes and no one gets hurt" you realize he has a flintlock pointed at your unmentionables.
You spit out the grapes and your put your hands up.
Captain Tractor remarks "that's a better idea" and pulls you aboard.
As soon as you are hauled aboard you notice two things...1. You are naked as the day you were born, 2. You are aboard the only Prairie Schooner on the Ocean.
'Where are we going?" You think as you pull on your clothes.
Captain Tractor chooses that moment too drop his Ashore disguises. "
You rejoin the caravan headed West led by Colonel Combine Harvester, the last mongol.
You join up with the legendary Colonel Harvester as an attack on the remaining prairies to the West and North West.
Colonel Harvester announces "British Tea Basket up ahead. Prepare for boarding". You look around the schooner and arm yourself with whatever you can find. A pot, a coil of rope, a broken glass, a musket and some tongs for handling the coal fired cannons.
"Boarders away!"
you pack the musket with the coil of rope and fire it at the Tea Basket. The rope unwinds from the coil and wraps itself around a railing as you sail over the side of the Prairie Schooner.
you crawl up the side of the tea basket into the living quarters where all the crew are obsessively watching A gaming Youtube channel set in an Apartment. "I can do anything he can do better" a man sits there saying over and over again while a crowd of people cheer him on and ridicule the man trying to play a difficult game.
you sneak past the men and begin dumping all their barrels of tea overboard. you see Colonel Harvester loading the barrels into his schooner.
The master of the ship yells "stop that villain!" but you have already thrown all the tea into the ocean and jumped ship.
Colonel Harvester leaves without you, who could blame him.
you load the musket grappling hook again and fire it at directly at colonel Harvester. He is pulled from the schooner and falls into the ocean.
You load the hook a third time and fire it at the other schooner. You pull the ring to tighten the line and swing aboard.
You werehes up on the same beach you started at.
You see a barrel of grapes and you know exactly what to do.
You wade back out into the water and throw the grapes at a schooner offshore, first one to load all their cannons wins.
you eat as many grapes as you can and load your cum cannon for a mega blast that will sink the schooners and Tea Basket.
You cripple one and then feel something whack you in the head and you are pulled deep into the ocean before you know what is happening. A great white has mistaken your balls for a tuna.
You say hello to Aquaman.
The moral of the story: Don't try to copy aquaman...or if you do, eat some fucking tins of already prepared sardines or something, not a whole fucking tuna fresh from the ocean you idjit.