You are Beber, a Staff Assistant on the space station. You occupy very nearly the lowest rung of the corporate ladder. Your help is frequently unqualified or unwanted. Pay is sparse. It is a cold night on the station. The last shift of your stay here has started, but unfortunately, you're currently in the prison wing of the brig.
You've been assigned to work as a janitor for the last few days and it's not exactly what you were expecting.
As you are cleaning up a particularly nasty toilet overflow, you meet Babe. She seems to be having a bit of trouble with her assignment so she asks if you can help.
"Sure Babe, I guess I could help out." You say.
you ask "what are you working on Babe?"
"These trash compactors just keep getting jammed and need to be sorted out obviously."
"Well, it looks like they just needed a good kicking. Never fails."
> You karate kick the trash compactors.
You've dealt with dozens of trash compactors in the past, each one more or less presenting the same problem. No karate kicks needed.
You use your teledildonic mop to try to unclog the trash compactor.
A long metal bar with a specialized mop attached by a long wire on one end. The other end of the bar is connected to a control pad which you hold in your hand.
you say to Babe "I'm a janitor, so I could clean your clothes if you want."
"That would be stellar, my shirt's only thing keeping me from violating the company decency standards."
You hear a whooshing sound as she pulls her shirt off and tosses it in your direction.
> You decide to seduce Babe.
The padding of your footfalls echo in the hallway. The mouse lounging in the corner starts, its whiskers twitching as you pass, Pay toilets line one wall while shiny metal plates adorn the other.
> You and Babe sneak into one of the pay toilets and start kissing and fondling each other.
The door to the female restroom is open, and as your eyes adjust to the light you can see a thin haze of blue cigarette smoke drifting upwards.
You spend all night pleasing Babe.
A shrill screech pierces the quiet of the space station, you're pretty sure that's the same alarm that woke you last night.
You realize it's the "company decency standards" alarm.
The alarm is a revolving light on the ceiling and a loud klaxxon underneath it in the middle of the room.
Working here, you'll never get used to that unholy racket.
You report to the bridge and are immediately reprimanded by the Captain of the space station.
The Captain is a tall, disheveled looking woman. The Company emblem is emblazoned on her flight jacket. Her nametag reads "Becca".
You tell the Captain, "Captain, I'm trying to fool around with a woman that's named after Babe the pig, so can you buzz off?"
"You men! Nothing's ever done right unless you do it yourselves! It was an accident! Nobody died!"
You file a sexism complaint against the captain. Your complaint is not taken seriously as all the board members are men.
Later, the captain crawls into your cell, opens the bars, and eats you alive as she's a zombie.
You are saved by Captian Tractor Beam, The Last Saskatchewan Space Pirate.
she esclates you to a higher place in life, but then blows up the station and escapes on her ship with all your saved pay.
> You stowaway in her cargo bay.
Your ship arrives at the planets Fignation, an outer region planet of commerce.
It's a very small town with tumbleweeds rolling down the main street.
You say, "Any I can do, you can do better!"
She puts you in her cargo bay and rolls right over you.
Captain Tractor Beam ejectulates you from the cargo bay and you land on Planet Alpha, a planet inhabited by clones of Ultimate Alpha man Tony.
They think your face is very funny and keep taking pictures of it.
A clone of Chuck Norris eats you.
> You fight your way through the planet with your teledildonic mop.
The clones of Chuck Norris are no match for the sheer power of the trigger-mounted vibrating mops on your hands.
You become the new overlord of Planet Alpha. Tony personally hands over the crown and says, "I now present you with this crown of flowers. Take it 2 sizes up."
You fix Planet Alpha with one well placed karate kick.
A movie is made about you and Chuck Norris teams up with you.
People on Earth don't know what to think of your new persona. Suddenly its cool to like Oldspots again.
The moral of the story: The power of a Teledildonic Mop is strong but sometimes must be used for the forces of good as opposed to evil.