EP349 #1

Posted under EP349 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Jim Davis, an American cartoonist that created Garfield. You are watching AIPD's Latest Stream and notice "Cannibal Garfield" This pisses you off so bad that you sabotage the owners internet. The stream still continues, Though.

The next day you get a message from your brother saying he is going to be late for work. He says he will contact you when he gets there. You reply with a text and say "No."
You draw a spite Garfield cartoon about your brother always being late for things. You then proceed to send him a bunch of dick pics.
Your brother shows up and you lean in for a kiss. He pulls away and you punch him in face. He falls backwards on the ground and instantly begins crying like a bitch. His boss fires him after seeing the Garfield cartoon.
You reveal to your brother that his is the living embodiment of Garfield. You then kill him and throw him out like trash.
Canington: You just straight up murder your kid with Alzheimers so AIPD doesn't kill you.
you get a knock at the door, its the AIPD, here to check for children.
...Oh shit, you don't have a kid.
"Hey" You yell " I got Garfeilds"
You say, "Do you like how I walk, Do you like how I talk, Do you like how my face disintegrates into chalk, I have a wonderful wife, I have a powerful job. She criticizes me for being egocentric."
"Are you on drugs?"
You hear a scream and a bunch of gunshots, You quickly peek from your window. You see horrible monsters putting bullets into the AIPD agent.
You run out into the street and see that the AIPD agent is using chalk to draw a portal to another place. It opens, a bunch of armed magical men appear and open fire on the AIPD agent.
The portal closes trapping the AIPD agent.
You lean in for a kiss with the AIPD agent. He turns away from you "Sorry" he says and is instantly shot to death by the military men. You leave with the military men and begrudgingly go back to live a mundane life.
You go back to your home, but see something sitting on your couch.  It is Garfield, the many-angled lasagna lord.
Garfield sits there and smiles with arrogance.
"Hello, human" He purrs with a feline accent.
"What the fuck is going on?"
"You survived a near-death experience"
you are filled with distress as you remember the delicious lasagna you had in the fridge. you rush over to it and throw the door open to see a very angry cat staring at you. He hisses and runs away.
"Wait, Come back."
> You realize you've contracted Garfield's disease.
You are emotionally distraught and nothing is going right. A bunch of women are protesting your latest addition to the comic strip, claiming it is offensive to domestic abuse victims.
> You punch the women and blame it on your Garfeilds.
You punch all the protesters, they attack back, using their uteruses as improvised weapons. You throw a smoke bomb and make a break for it.
You run into a coffee shop, strap mismatched shirts to your body in an attempt to protect your identity.
You ask the Coffee Shop barista to make you a lasagna and for some reason he obliges. You spend some time there.
The police enter the coffee shop, they say they want to ask you some questions about the protesters you assaulted.
you throw hot coffee in the Officers faces and blame in your Garfeilds. you disarm one of the officers and make a break for it.
You ditch your clothes, shave your head and move to a small south american Country where you become president for life.
The moral of the story: You never bottle up your emotions
You decide to go buy a few dozen copies of the Garfield comic strip in which you appear.
You see that in the last panel, garfield is dead.