EP348 #2

Posted under EP348 #2, Story On By Chief

Hates Mondays, loves food
Lazy yet Adorable
Garfield, Crazy Cat Lady and the rest of your family are all dead. You're not sure if you were just too stupid to survive or what but it was a good run at least.
you wait 30 whole seconds before eating your dead family members.

You feel like you've died and gone to heaven for a few minutes...
After searching the house for food, you come across a picture of a man named Jason rubbing butter on your cats, because he plans on eating them.  You decide to pay Jason a visit.
A cat walks in carrying a knife and looking pretty pissed. What will you do?
Take the knife from the cat and stab it to defend yourself, then cook the cat with what you grabbed from the house.
as you eat that pussy, you get a taste for it. You level up and gain the following pussy eating powers: 1. You gain a small penis like the size of a thumb. That's good enough to get some cats going, just sucks for you. 2. You can seduce any cat just by rubbing yourself against it. 3. You gain the ability of emotional manipulation, you can make anyone happy!
You tells Jason, "" don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us to stay home."I wonder if maybe we should.
If they turned Detroit into a concentration camp and dumped all the unemployed here, they could stop worrying about aliens landing on the White House lawn. I don't get it.
A young man walks by and tells you, "My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping."You can't help but be impressed by this neatly-dressed, polite and handsome young man.
A woman closes her window on the ground floor as you walk past her house.
you smear your face against the womans window yelling "Let me touch you. It will fill you with ecstasy."
Jesus, some people have no sense of humor.
The woman blows you a kiss through the window and she licks on her thumb as if it's a sexually suggestive manner
You enter the 24 hour convenience store. 5 minutes later you leave with a pack of cigarettes and lighter.
Wait.. What happened to the rest of my things?
You realize you traded your life possession for the Script of "Network", A reboot of a movie that you are auditioning for that is being directed by Jeremy Renner.
You realize that the part of the mentally ill veteran is just perfect for you.
The storeowner accuses you of theft and shoots you as you run out of his shop.
you rub up against a group of stray cats and tell them to attack the storeowner. The herd of cats enter the store and attack him, running amok through his shop for 3 hours until he finally gets away from them.
The moral of story: There are more creative ways to survive than taking a gun to a fistfight.
and thats game folks!

You made it! you survived the apocalypse with your humanity and sense of humor intact!