EP347 #2

Posted under EP347 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Elvis Presley a rock and roll star. You are at a Burger King in Kalamazoo, Michigan. "Hey Elvis," you say. "I have to ask, do you think I could get a free meal?"

"Free? What the hell kind of question is that for an entertainer like yourself?" Elvis says. "What do you want me to tell my manager or security guard?"
You ask to see the manager. He tells you he doesn't know anything about it. The security guard says he'll check with his boss, but he's not sure what to tell you.

"Well maybe we can talk to him myself."
You hop the counter and say "I'm hungry, we demand food." As you start filling bags A bunch of whoppers that were scooped out of the garbage can. They're free."
They refuse, saying it's unsanitary or some shit.
You say, "I am become death destroyer of worlds!" but don't actually try to kill anyone; It's enough to draw the police, who is happen to be outside at the time.
You don't resist and demand a free trial under constitution.
You opt for a public defender who happens to be a huge Elvis Presley fan.  You have your day in court.
You consider taking the fifth, but you think All those rich people did was get off for killing people, I killed a cashier and a home too.
You notice your co-defendant The Hamburglar rocking back and forth.  You say some comforting words to calm him down, "Hey hamburger guy it was my idea, and I got all the fame! Now we can go out like Men!" You start singing "I see dead people" the only standard you can think of. It doesn't help he keeps screaming and they inject him.
You begin by telling the tale of how you were "The King" and how "Elvis always preys on the weak and takes what he wants.
you make an impassioned speech to the jury between greasy bites of hamburger. "My words are like Robin Hood, My actions shield the poor from the rich..." You force feed your lawyer a bit of hamburger.
And then it happens the prosecution rests and you win your case. Victory.
Well Kind Of...The Stupid Bailiffs take you into a room where you are beat up severely for killing the cashier by unknown men with masks.
you are released outside to dozens of news crews who ask "what happened to you?" You want to tell the truth, but the security guards are still watching you.
You stick with the "I'm a prisoner of war" story and say "he is a victim of mistaken identity."
The guards pretend to get angry and beat you further.
After years of not performing, you release a new album entitled: "Graceland" with no reference to what happened. The fans love it, and you feel like a whole new man again.
You Live to be seventy three before dying of heart failure. RIP.
your funeral is attended by the titans of the burger industry:
The Burger King
The Head of Jack In The Box
The Fry Guy
All people you looked up to before your "incident"
The Hamburgler gives your eulogy and the truth of how you died:
"Elvis was a Johnny Appleseed," he sobbed "He went around spreading happiness, niceness, and love for everyone."
"Why did he fake his death?"
> You watch the funeral from a closed-circuit tv on your private island.
You watch a re-run of your funeral and laugh wholeheartedly, you hear the phone inside. It is Sam with some bad news; "Elvis Aaron Presly has just died."
you say "Who cares" and hang up, from the closed-circuit Tv you see that your grave has been dug up by industry bigwigs because people are buying your albums again. You press a button that says: "Fall into the grave" and fall in, backwards, onto a pile of money.
The moral of the story: Instead of doing crime, become a singer and dig yourself a grave full of money.
You have won the game!