EP337 #2

Posted under EP337 #2, Story On By Chief

You are in a city square where the nuke went off, somehow you survived, and many others have too. You then notice that the radiation has left you deformed, an extra arm and hand has appeared, this may be an advantage to you. You can now use them for various tasks.

As you walk down the street, people stare at you with wonder and amazement.
you begin to rumble with radioactive power and grow a talking second hand with the voice of Christopher walken.

"I am the new master of this world! I AM THE NEW MASTER OF THIS WORLD!"
Jason, the guy who sent off the nuke because he lost his sanity after his adopted son, Tony, stole his car, overhears this.
"The new master of this world huh, well I am the new master of yesterday!"
With this he takes out his shotgun and blows off your second hand.
the severed Walken hand walks up Jason's leg and begins to crush his genitals.
"Ahh! Get it off! Get it off!" he screams.
you walk up to him, and then trip him up.
The severed hand then begins to grow into the rest of Christopher Walken.
"What the fuck?" you say to yourself, then look up and see that's who was screaming for help at the beginning.
"Somebody help!"
It's Dad.
you hug your dad.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should have been, I love you," he says.
"You're here now. They're both gone from my life and from this world now."
You and your dad get ice cream and Jason tags along. You're all having a good time. Then you begin to feel tired again.
you want to do all the things with daddy Christopher Walken that you didn't get to in childhood. You go to the zoo. You go on car rides. You do anything you used to do with your father.
One day you notice something. You have a father. You don't have a mother. Is it somehow possible that you can fill that void? Could you love two people at the same time? Maybe, it's worth a try.
you say to dad "we should find a nice lady to spit roast"
He laughs and hits you in the arm
"We should, I should get mom back though."
"Maybe we can do something similar where we take a person and replace their bad parts with good parts of others."
You pour nuclear waste on your foot which grows another foot that you chop off.  The foot begins to transform into your mom.
"Wow that's really realistic looking," she says.
"Yeah you're the head cheerleader here, you can be on the cover of next year's cheerleading manual."
You are amazed, your new mom looks exactly like famous Hollywood actress: Jennifer Beals.
"Wear this to the next game," you say handing her a jacket.
You notice your new mom start to appear a bit bored.
"Let's go to the movies."
you go to the movies the Texas Chainsaw Massacre directed by Rob Zombie.
"Do you like scary movies?"
"Yeah, it's great, the theater is right next to a slaughterhouse, they make the best meatloaf in town," your dad says.
You order the meatloaf and have a family dinner before the movie starts and you have never been happier.
The movie is going good, but then you have to walk through the cemetery. This is when the movie gets scary.
"Don't go that way," your father says.
You disobey your father and go deeper into the cemetery . The plot you're at has a giant tombstone that says:
Here lies the body of 
Annabel Lee
Beloved wife and mother
1934 - 1876
You're not sure you want to read the epitaph, but you do.
This is when you realize that this tombstone has been here for a long time, probably since the early 1900s. Maybe this is the reason why your mother left.
The moral of the story: parents don't die, they just get remarried to someone with a similar name. This is why you have no relationship with your father's second family of his siblings and their children.