EP337 #1

Posted under EP337 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Spongebob SquarePants training your best friend to work at the Krusty Krab. Your first goal is to teach Patrick how to open a jar. You instruct him to find a jar for practice, but instead he pulls out a fully armed thermonuclear warhead. Before you can correct him, he accidentally activates the device's detonation sequence. You now have 20 minutes to neutralize the bomb or all of Bikini Bottom will be destroyed!

"I'm sorry," says Patrick as he apologizes profusely. "It was an accident."
you say "EHEHEHEHEHE thats ok patrick. Squidward will know what to do." You rush off to see Squidward.

"Hey Squidward I got something for you. Its a new toy that will help you with your job!" You shout and run up to him.
You hand the bomb Squidward. "Here you need to press these buttons in this order and then push this button."
Squidward stares at you blankly and slowly moves his hand up to the buttons.
The countdown timer begins ticking faster and faster.
"Well lets go Patrick !" you shout.
You rush out the door and begin running around town dropping sticky bombs on buildings and food supplies.
"Hey wait I think we missed !"
> You ask around to see if there's anyone who can disarm a nuclear warhead.
You rush up to one of the tourists and ask him where the best place to plant a bomb is. He says he doesn't know but he thinks you should talk to someone named "Doctor" at the university.
You meet with Dr Plankton and show him the nuclear warhead. "I have to get this off the backwater in under 3 minutes and 18 seconds or else it's going to blow and incinerate this entire city" you say.
Dr. Plankton says to disarm the bomb, you need to  fill the hanger up with water so the bomb can't ignite the fuel. You quickly rush to the water tower while Dr. Plankton and his assistants try to keep up.
You then remember you are in the ocean and this will not work, you try plan B: a fire extinguisher. You go into a fire station and find one but they are all locked up tight.
You panic and run back home to see if you can find a fire extinguisher that isn't locked up.
Gary says "meow" as you run out the door.
When you see the bomb it is almost finished running out time. You rush over to the fire extinguisher and begin chucking it at the warhead like a frisbee.
You hit the warhead with the fire extinguisher. As it turns out you are really good at this, it takes a couple of minutes but eventually the fire extinguisher breaks the warhead open and you are able to pull it away from the city.
> You suffer horrible radiation poisoning.
In addition to getting a severe sunburn, you begin to vomit mysterious liquid and melt into the ground. Hours later you are still melting. You feel like something is crawling in your body. It feels unnatural.
you begin to mutate and gain the following limbs: 1. An eye everywhere. 2. The ability to shoot out a long tongue made of flames. 3. A large crab claw.
Your whole body begins to melt taking your city with it.
your sponginess fuses with the following citizens of Bikini Bottom: 1. A parrot on a lamp post. 2. A large octopus selling shrimps. 3. A large clam sitting on a rock 4. A small cuttlefish near the bottom of the sea.
You frantically look around for Patrick. You see him struggling to get out of the ground. He is still partially made of rubber and is quickly being absorbed by the ground.
you say "grab my claw patrick, become part of me."
As Patrick grabs your fire-tongue, the rest of you is absorbed as well
You and Patrick become one and merge into the perfect being. And the creator of the universe looks upon you and is amazed
It is now time for you to ascend.
you grab a nearby fish hook and are lifted to the waters surface. The fisherman who caught you shrieks in horror. They had no idea that you were so intelligent. They throw you back and begin throwing fish hooks at you. The water turns red with blood as you swim away with your new powers.
in the distance you see a light. It grows nearer and more powerful.
It is the sun. The greatest light in the universe. You will become like it.
You begin to heat up and start transforming into a star. You begin to feel a great heat. It feels good. Soon you are a red ember glowing with nuclear power. You drift peacefully towards the sun.
The end.
The moral of the story: Always tap that nuclear button (or whatever it is you used) before the sun finishes you off.
Good job!