EP336 #3

Posted under EP336 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Michael, an undisputed champion of Hide and Seek from 1973 to 1975. During the 1976 Hide and Seek championship you hid so good nobody could find you. Committed to the art of Hide and Seek you stay hidden for the next 25 years, surviving by eating bugs and drinking dew. You can't wait to get your prize, but you were assumed dead in 1980. In 1984 a man claiming to be your son comes looking for you. He says he knows where you are hiding and that if you will come with him, you can have what is rightfully yours.
You know that only someone of your blood could find you. You offer your son some bugs and dew. The boy accepts them gratefully and heads off into the woods. You follow close behind, hoping that he will lead you to his father.
The boy takes you to a fancy cabin in the woods.  You have not slept in a bed for 25 years. The cabin is large and fancy, decorated with animal hides. A large fireplace dominates the far wall and a large fawn skin is stretched over a wooden frame, covering it completely.
> You chit chat with your son and tell him about your hiding abilities.
You walk over to the deer skin and look at it with interest.
"This deer skin is very good quality." You tell your son.
You take your son to your lair complete with improvised weapons and some stolen books.  You show him your food source and explain how you get water. You boast about your ability to find your way out here in all this wilderness.
"I think you have everything you need to survive in this cabin."
> You say "How did you find me?"
Your son stares at you in shock.
"I've never told anyone this before." He admits, "I found out things about you after your death."
"Oh? What did you find out?" You ask.
"Firstly, you weren't killed in a car crash. You were killed by a hitman."
You remember being shot once in the back of the head. It was simple and clean.
Your Son tells you that everyone just didn't want to find you, they hated you. The hitman was hired by your wife and your kids to make it seem like a 'prank gone wrong'. Your family never missed you before.
You are so depressed by this news that you go to town on your bag of bugs and gain 100 lbs.
You have now lived long enough that you can finally leave this place.
you try to reintegrate into society and start by trying to buy a suit. You pay for it with bugs. The cashier is grossed out by the fact that you have all these brown, green and black bugs in the bag with a clear plastic bag overtop.
> You eat a couple bugs to show the cashier that they are good.
After buying the suit you quickly change and head home.
You return home to your wife and lean in for a kiss.
"I'm back!" You say happily.
"Honey!" She replies with a smile, "You're back! Did you have a good day?"
you say "I got dinner on the way home" and present your bag of bugs.
"Ugh!" she replies, disgusted.
"What? I thought you'd be happy. You always said I should try insects. They're perfectly nutritious and they contain most of the nutrients your body needs."
you notice your wife is just playing with her bugs. you say "I work hard to put bugs on this table dammit. EAT EM" as you shove bugs in her mouth. You move your hand slowly towards her throat and she recoils.
"Don't you ever play with my bugs again." She warns.
You laugh and say "First things first, I need to buy a can of paint."
Your wife replies "I'll go with you, then we can come back here and eat the bugs later."
> You see your old hide and seek trophies on the mantle and begin to cry.
You love your wife, but you're too tired to deal with her right now. You head into the kitchen and grab a beer from the fridge.
You get depressed that your wife is disgusted by all the bugs you worked so hard to catch.  You gain 100 lbs overeating bugs and drink beer. You feel like shit the next day.
That evening your lightheadness becomes a pounding headache. Your vision becomes blurry and you find it hard to concentrate, but you're not worried.
you hide under your bed to surprise your wife. you wait for hours and then hear her talking to another man.
"Glad you could make it, even if it was last minute."
"Well I had some time to kill before my flight so I thought I might as well."
> You hear them having sex on the bed as you hide underneath the bed.
You hear your wife having a wonderful experience with her new boyfriend, Tom. You're jealous of their closeness and just give up and go to bed.
You get hungry and all your bugs are in the kitchen, but you see a bag of chips and try to eat them very quietly while still hiding under the bed.
You wake up the next morning and find a badly beaten and gagged man chained to the base of the bed.
Your wife is standing over him with a knife, and Tom is rolling around on the floor laughing.
You peak out from the under the bed and see that the man is none that TV's  Van Hove, a local celebrity. The police have linked several burglaries to him. Your wife has several tattoos with his name on them.
You begin to cry, but stop since crying would give you away.
The scuffle knocks the bedroom phone onto the ground and you quietly call the police on the man.
Your wife tries to stab the phone, but you knock it to the ground and hide again. You hear your wife screaming "You BITCH" as the helpless man just screams.
"You're under arrest bitch!"
After a few minutes of searching your wife gives up and goes back to torturing the man just as you hear sirens.
You wait for the cops to arrive, but it takes a while and by the time they do, your wife has already escaped out the window. You offer to help them, but they just shake their heads and leave.
You are also a champion seeker, so you manage to find where your wife ran off to in no time at all.  You are shocked that your wife decided to hideout at your parents house, but then you remember she got a job there recently so perhaps this was all part of some elaborate plan.
You burst into your parents house and see everyone yell, "Surprise!"  You look a giant sign that says, "KIDNAPPED."
You are confused at first, but then realize this is your surprise. You see your wife sitting on the floor in the entryway and say, "I'm sorry it had to be this way, but you made this difficult.
The last thing you see is a burlap sack being put over your head.
You wake up in a chair in the front room and hear your wife saying, "I'm sorry for everything. I've been so scared that you'd find out what I did. I love you."
Your wife takes off the burlap sack and you see that you have been take to the woods where your wife had you chained to a tree.
She has already cut your hand and forearm deeply and it is bleeding. You realize she had you cut, so she could feed on you without you realizing it.
The moral of the story: If your wife or significant other tells you she loves you and you think she is going to kill you, it's best not to believe it.