EP336 #2

Posted under EP336 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Kursk Pasta, a dwarf miner. You're slaving away in the meme mines when your pickaxe hits solid metal and reveals a vein of gold! Your boss is furious at you for not telling him sooner, but he doesn't seem to care about the fact that you've just discovered a fortune.
you try to sneak some of the gold out of the mines. The guards aren't too happy with you, but they don't have much choice. They let you go after giving you a small amount of money as compensation.

One day while mining, you come across something strange... a... path? There's dwarves walking down it, and they don't see you. You follow the path to discover what these dwarves are doing.

It turns out these dwarves have split off from the collective.
You see the dwarves are mining a huge clum vein. They have huge wooden beams strapped to their backs with ropes to protect them from falling. You ask the dwarf what they are doing and he points to one of the beams.
> You see the wooden beam is soaked in clum.

It seems that the dwarves are using a process called friction to mine their clum. They are taking a block of clum and placing it on a wooden beam.
you walk in on several dwarves harvesting each other clums while they sing.
"Why are you all harvesting clums from each other?"
"Ha ha! Fresh clum! You should try it! Friction, friction, friction!"
> You ask the Dwarves "What do you do with the clum?"

The dwarves take a sample of your heavy accent and decide you must be from the lower class.
you take the classist dwarves clum and drink it. You gain the following clum powers:
After a long night of drinking, you stumble into the next class.
The dwarves notice a difference in you and applaud your new class.
You gain the abilities:
You give the miners a hard time about their clum and ask them politely what they do with it.
"Ha ha! You should try it, sir! Friction, friction, CLUM!"
you try the clum. You can't taste anything, but it feels good in your mouth.
You realize that all the miners are drinking clum and that's what's making this mine successful.
> You take another shot of Clum and put on a classy top hat.

You are now the clumsiest dwarf to walk the face of Torol. You fall down, lose your balance, and fall down the stairs.
The miners begin to notice their profits are greater than ever.
You look down at your body and notice that the transformation has begun.  You are turning into a clown.
You have the following options:
You realize that you don't want to become a dwarf with a hat. You still have some dignity left, regardless of what the mine does to you.
your limbs elongate as the clum surges through you. you say "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" as you laugh and laugh and laugh as your body is taken over by the clum.
you hear a voice in your head. it whispers to you "we are the clum. Kursk, you must turn the other dwarves. All their sins will be washed away in clum."
Your eyes roll up into the back of your head as the clum takes over.
you transform and gain the following abilities:
1.  The ability to take over a dwarf Mind
You walk into the mineshaft and take control of a group of dwarves. They follow you around like loyal workers.
The dwarves sup on you clum. They are happy.
You begin to head deeper into the mineshaft, and feel you've progressed far enough. You order your dwarves to build a huge clum statue in the middle of the mineshaft.
You say, "Friction! Friction Friction!" and explode an of clum to ercet the statue with.
You have discovered how to create gold in massive quantities using only clum.
The moral of the story: You must always take a group of loyal workers with you or your mission will fail.