EP335 #3

Posted under EP335 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Big Chuhgus, 
An obese rabbit creature
Running out of food.
Your name means "Big Fat One" in your language.
You have a small amount of money and you need to get some more. You know that the only way is to go into town and buy something there...
You stand outside a hamburger establishment and shake your bunny buns for some burger buns. You look at the sign on the door:
Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Fries and Drink!
The smell of grease fills your nose as you walk up to the counter.
The Chef, Barack Obama, asks "uhhh what can I get you big bunny man?"
You reply "I'll have a shake".
Barack puts the order into the machine and hands you a glass milk shake.
He smiles at you as he serves you.
You shake your ass as you drink you shake. You do a little dance for the chef as you finish it off.
You place the glass on the counter and say "Barack, my man, that was some fine ass shake".
you fist bump Barack and say "let's get some more of those shakes man...your the shittin' king".
Barack is confused by that statement but nods and goes to get you another shake.
Michelle Obama, who is working the fryer, compliments you on your ass-shaking and asks if she can please touch it before you leave.
You laugh and say sure, then really startled look at her as she grabs your ass and squeezes.
Michelle says "Woooh that's a fine ass. Cum is stored in the brain. And I've got a headache." as she lays her head on the fryer oil sink and has a sigh.
You smile and nod as you take one last look at them. Then you turn and walk out of the "Hamburger Helpers".
> You begin to shake your ass on the street for money.
You decide that you are going to earn some moolah tonight. You think back to the fine ass burger you had.
Money, it's where you keep it.
A coin falls out of your butt. You pick it up and examine it.
It says "heads".
You decide to put it in your pocket.
It is a "Nickel" or "5 cent piece".
Nicholm Street is deserted.
You take off your pants and shake your ass around like a whore.
People scatter out of your way like roaches when the light turns on.
The vice squad approaches you in a car.
You yell "KILL!" and start running down the street.
You get taken into custody after a short footchase.
you are brought before a judge, who says "you are accused of having too much junk in the trunk. How do you plead?"
You think about the fine ass burger you had and decide that jail is not worth it.
You are "Guilty".
The judge bangs his gavel and says " you are sentenced to one year in the slammer".
You think about your mom, and wish you hadn't admitted to having the money for a shake.
> You ask your mom to visit you in the slammer.
Your mom does not visit you in jail. You are shocked and disgusted by this, but accept it.
You are brought to a high security prison where you make friends with an Albino rat which you name ''Charles Schulz'' after the creator of the comic strip ''Peanuts''.
Every day you get escorted through a large metal gate with the other prisoners. This is the prison yard.
Charles approaches in the prison yard and tells you he is planning an escape. He asks you to join him. You have two options:
You can join him in escaping, in which case you will be able to leave the prison and live a free life.
You can refuse to join him, in which case he will keep trying until you are either caught or he himself is caught and injured (or killed).
You rat on that rat.
You join Charles in escaping. You both make it out of the prison and onto the street.
He tells you he has a feeling that he is being followed.
You turn around and see you are being followed by a rat. You run after Charles, as fast as you can, down the street. After a few blocks, you lose him.
You are both caught and taken back to the prison.
you make Charles your prison wife.
You keep a running joke about how you both are married to each other. The two of you are put in a 5-foot by 5-foot box with no doors or windows.
You look at Charles and stare deep into his beady eyes and say, "I'm coming to rescue you, my honey."
You stare into the eyes of the Albino rat and think about a way to escape.
Then you think of something else: "I'm becoming a legend. Only I can escape from this hellhole. They're going to remember me as the guy who got shanked to death while trying to escape.
you dig a tunnel to Albuquerque. You write a will, saying that your body should be hung in the cafeteria as a warning to others.
You call Barack Obama and ask for a presidential pardon.
You get the pardon, but no one visits you in your cell.
Barack never returns your call.
You get put on a bus to Texas and thrown into a corrections facility in Beaumont.
The moral of the haiku: You have to sell out to get anywhere.
What will you do?