EP334 #3

Posted under EP334 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Greg, the owner of nunswithbuns.com. You keep getting customers who think you run a porn site but it's actually a burger van run by nuns. To make sure everybody knows the difference you need a marketing campaign that leaves nobody confused.

So you hire a bunch of models to pose in bikinis and then have them drive around with signs saying "Nun-Driven Food Truck."
you have the models dress as "sexy nuns" and hand out free samples.

The plan is working so well that now people are coming from all over the city to sample your food. You even get some tourists stopping off for a taste!
> You realize no one is eating your food, they're just staring at the models.
You quickly realize this religious group will not buy your food no matter what so you quickly change the plan. You have all the models pose in lingerie as they walk along the street.
You attempt to fix the problem by serving the burgers off of the models. Sadly, this doesn't seem to work as you intended. The food just tastes bad when you have to look at the girl who's name you don't even know in a small string bikini while she's preparing your meal.
> You decide to sponsor a nun bun fun run to generate publicity.
You arrange for a giant nun bun to be handed out with all of the free food you are giving out. You get mentioned on news stations and everyone seems to enjoy this addition to your promotion.
You see the pope has turned up for the event and he eats one of the buns. He loves them so much that he begins dancing around and waving his hands in the air.
You look at the ground and notice a nun bun fun run gun, likely dropped by a terrorist, and the Pope is escorted away.
You might be able to make something good of this after all.
as the Pope enters his Plexiglas coffin on the pope-mobile shots ring out and a few bullets hit the coffin. It is left to be carried into the church by guards.
Your fans, still confused, begin throwing nun-buns at the police. More security arrives and quickly breaks up the crowd.
You grab a loudspeaker and address the crowd with a motivating speech. It works and they calm down. You quickly run back to the food truck and park it in a secure location.
You get out and speak to your fans.
you say "first person to find the terrorist gets a year supply of nun-buns!" and run back to the truck to count out the buns.
You turn around and see a girl picking through the pile.
You realize the girl is the terrorist and is planting bombs in all your nun buns. You look around and see a bunch of people watching. You begin to run and the girl drops one of the bombs she has in her hands. The bomb goes off, blowing a hole in your stomach.
> You quickly fill the hole with nun buns.
You quickly rush back to the food truck and begin piling nun buns into your wound. a new explosion goes off and you hear your friends laughing at you from the far end of the street.
you know you'll explode any second. You don't have time to get away from the crowd so you dive into the giant nun-bun to dampen the explosion.
You find yourself covered in hundreds of b' baghan and enjoy the taste. You leave the giant bun and begin eating your way down the street with hundreds of fans chasing you.
You ask the pope to heal your mortal wounds, you tell him he can have a lifetime supply of nun buns.
You look up at the sky and realize that there's light at the end of this tunnel.
The pope puts his hands on your wounds and the pain is instantaneously gone. The fans cheer in appreciation.
The group of you begin to discuss the terrorists and what to do with them.
You turn them into burgers and have a celebration for defeating the terrorists.
You decide to leave the bomb-making to the girl, she already has a record for it and seems up to the task.
A reporter asks you about what will come next and you have a thought.
You shout "We're going to the moon!"
The crowd goes wild, you notice a girl with blonde buns and a mini-skirt about to vomit.
You think nothing of it until you see another person start to vomit.  And then another.  And then the entire park filled with people are vomiting from your nun buns.
Your fans begin to turn on you and the media. They claim that you made them pregnant, made them sick, gave them brain damage, and so forth.
The moral of the story: If you make a promise, keep it.