EP333 #2

Posted under EP333 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Jason from AIPD, you refuse to update the AIPD website or read KyrilGrey's stories unless he donates 10 million bits. KyrilGrey is sitting at a table, 2 manila folders in front of him. He inhales excessively, "Despite being an internet troll, I'm not that cruel. Want some Lipton Iced Tea? It's a really delicious cold juice brand. If I give you this Lipton Iced Tea, maybe you'll be more willing to help me out.
you drink the Iced Tea and KyrilGrey giggles to himself. You suspect the drink wasn't tea.
"So what do you want?" You ask.
"I need your help with something."
"What is it?"
KyrilGrey takes another sip of his drink.
 KyrilGrey asks you to hack into a military database. He then asks you to plant a virus on the database and write a program to search for new, powerful weapons that are being developed.
You agree, but only if KyrilGrey tells you why he needs it.
"The military has new weapons in the pipeline, and I need to find them before the military does."
"What if I can't do it?"
"You'll be paid well."
> You say "I'll write a GUI in Visual Basic."
"Fine, I'll pay you a large amount of money."
"Great!" You accept. "What's the database name?"
"I won't tell you that, you have to write it down."
> You say "KyrilGrey tells you the database name:"
"Okay, it's NuclearResearch."
"Um, what?" You say.
"Sounds about right."
"What's the username and password?"
"I'll tell you that when you write the program."
> You say "You leave and being work on the program.  You need a Visual Basic expert, so you call Jim, your " friend" who doesn't know that AIPD has a website."
Jim arrives at your place and listens as you explain the situation.
"So I found this website with military information, but it's password protected. Do you think you could hack into it and get the password?"
Jim looks you in the eye and say's "Im in!"
He sits down at your computer and enters the username "password", then gains access without any problems.
He quickly types on the keyboard and obtains a long list of usernames and passwords.
> You conduct a sex audit of the website.
You find over 25k usernames and 5k passwords. You put on gloves and get to work.
As you try each password, you hear a knock on your door. It's Jim.
Jim tells you that his friend Jane Lynch, David Guetta's new Girlfriend, gave you VIP tickets to Burning Man. The database you hacked into mention that this is where the government will be making weapon deals. You and Jim suit up and head to Burning Man.
At the gates, you find out there is a whole army of security checking everyone. They are probably looking for the two of you. In fact, they find you and tell you to come with them.
The interrogation begins and an officer puts a picture of KyrilGrey on the table and says "Have you associated with this individual? And is this your search history?"
You stutter and try to lie, but it all comes tumbling out as you're unable to lie to a psychic. You take the blame and say you were hired by him.
The officer says "were willing to let you go free and enjoy Burning Man if you're willing to help us catch KyrilGrey. We'll even throw in this bag in Quaaludes."
With no other plans left, you agree.
Before you know it, the two of you are lying face down in a field.
> You tell Jim "This is all your fault!"
"This is all your fault!" You exclaim in a panic.
"I can't get an erection."
You explain that you have to pleasure Jane without protection.
Jim leads you to the Viagra Village at Burning Man.
You enter a cramped box where dozens of people are having sex in front of you. The place is hectic, but the most important thing is that you don't have to worry about getting your dick cut off.
You look to the center of the room and see a giant nuclear warhead covered in beads and disguised as an art installation.
You approach the works of art and hear a voice coming out of it.
"What can I do for you, Sir?" The voice asks.
"I would like to buy some quantity of Cialis."
> You your phrase activates a nuclear launch code.
"I need to see your badge and driver's license."
You show the officer your website posting and he quickly sees that it was you who hacked into the website. He shakes his head and sighs and says "I'll be right back."
While you wait for him, you notice a man in a business suit talking on his cell phone in the corner. You walk over and listen in.
"Hello, yes I'm sure they're still here. Arrest them all. They're all going to fry. See if they have friends..."
The phone snaps off and the man stares at you.
You take all the Quaaludes and Cialis and run into the desert.
Man: "There's no place to run, you're all going to fry."
You get caught in the desert and are taken into custody.
The moral of the story: Always be careful what you post on the internet.