EP331 #3

Posted under EP331 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Gonk Droid possessed by the spirit of Palpatine. Your plan to trick Jar Jar Binks into obtaining an ancient Sith Holocrone succeeded and after he foolishly brought it to you, you've killed him. Opening Sith Holocrone, you see that it is filled with tons of B-Movies about Jedi and Sith.  This collection includes such movies as:

The Phantom Menace

Attack of the Clones

Revenge of the Sith

You have a lot more than just B-movies in your possession. The Force is strong here!
You say, "Star Wars is the worst film franchise of all time. None of them are good."
"Oh I'm sure they're all terrible," says the Ghost.
"I don't care what any of them are!" You shout back.
You look and see that the ghost is that of Darth Jar Jar. His head is in your barrell.
"Do you want a piece of me?" You spit out Jar Jar's head onto the floor of the Ghost's ship.
> You gonk in anger.
"Why are you so angry?"
"You took my job!"
"I did no such thing. I merely took the form that was best suited to get your attention."
you shuffle to the bridge of the ship and plot a course for Naboo. you say "your kind will never plague the universe again Jar Jar!"
The crew look at each other in awe as they surround their living captain.
"I can't believe it!" C1-20 says. "Captain Jar Jar is following the Jedi code!"
You say, "The Mandalorian is a bad show. I think you should avoid it and watch AIPD instead." and then you lean in for a kiss with the severed head of Jar Jar Binks.
You stare at the screen in anticipation. There's bound to be an intro, but instead you see credits rolling. You're not sure what to do, so you remain still as the credits roll.
> You make the entire crew watch all of the prequels. They love it.
Everyone else is too scared to watch any other movies ever again after the brutal massacre you inflicted on them with the prequels. Everyone loves the prequels, even the ones that normally criticize all the films as terrible.
You take over Naboo and begin to rebuild the Empire. You keep the public unaware of the Sith Holocron's power and continue to rule for decades to come.
> You hold a national film forum to determine which series should be banned -- Stars Wars or the Marvel Connected Universe.
The film forum is a fantastic success, since you are able to convince the public that only the worst films and series should ever get made in the first place (And that's what the comic books are anyway).
you release a list of approved films. The list includes:
The Matrix
The Godfather
Fight Club
A Clockwork Orange
The Matrix Wins!
The Phantom Menace
Attack of the Clones
Sith Trilogies (Episodes I-III)
Severed legs served on a dinner table
and a myriad of other terrible movies.
You say, "The 60s batman ruined Hollywood and my life in general, too campy and what did y"all think of not a single woman in the entire film?
you travel to there.
"The Avengers was an acceptable film!" you say.
They ask why you want to go to there.
Your love of "The Avengers" causes the rebels to give you clearance to pass.
You board a large airship and ascend to the skies. There's a man sitting by himself on the upper deck of the airship.
The chair turns slowly to reveal  a man in a black hood.
"Hello," he says, extending his hand.
You shake it.
"I am glad you want to go to there."
You recognize the man as famous Avenger: Dr. Strange.
You nod cautiously.
"My name is Dr. Victor von Doom."
You nod again.
"I'm a bit nervous. It's my first time taking someone to there."
Dr Strange hesitantly opens a portal and takes you to there: a city run entirely on magic.
"Thank you for your kindness, Dr. Victor."
He nods.
"It was nothing."
You look out into the magical city and step through the portal.
The moral of the story: Don't trust eternals.
Iris the "pretty" Eternals have a lot of influence in the rebel movement, they're also the most intelligent.
You ask the AI: what is your opinion on Star Wars?
"I appreciate the style, but I do not find it all that interesting."
"Well, what's your opinion on the prequels?"
"I... do not like them."
"They are too campy. The original films were not like that. I have little to no interest in them."
You continue to ask, 'What do you think of the new trilogy?"
"The original films are the best. The prequels were just as bad as all the other films those Jedi came out of. I don't have an opinion on the new films, I don't care."