You are Jack Bolding, a cryptid hunter. All your life you were hunting and killing all kinds of cryptid monsters, sometimes to protect your town, sometimes for food. You've hunted all kinds of creatures werewolves, mothmen, giant frogs. Local tribe of bigfoots, with whom you had an agreement of nonaggression, tells you that there's been an extraterrestrial intrusion on the north. A great war is coming, a war between Bigfoots and Aliens. Which side are you on?
"I'm not sure," you say. "But I have to find out."
So you set off in search of Bigfoots and Aliens.
> You travel to the north.
The North is where all the action is. The mountains are filled with monsters and UFOs. It's where you'll go if you want to prove yourself as a monster hunter.
you put out a Craigslist ad for a monster hunter. Your only response is from Emily, who is now getting sued. You travel to the North, staying at the Flying Dutchman Tavern, a well known bar in the area. You're shown to your room, which has two beds in it, and you put your stuff down.
Emily enters the room and says, "Hey, you're the new guy, right?"
You look at her and see she is around your age, a few years younger, in fact.
you've heard rumor of an alien at the AIPD headquarters. you are inside of AIPD headquarters where Jason, Tony, Jim and Cory are hard at work. One of them might be an alien in disguise. You tie them to the couch and test their blood.
"Dude, why the fuck did you tie us to the fucking furniture?" says Jim.
Before you start the test, you see a letter addressed to you from a mysterious man named Reincollegedroplet. He invites you to a party.
You make up an excuse to go to the North with the guys. You leave your room and see a ghostly girl. You scream in terror before remembering that you're dreaming.
> You say "I will tell you what. If you can take this rhythm and play something using only the bass strings, then we will know you are a real wizard. "
The girl begins to make strange sounds on her bass. The atmosphere of the room changes, the cold war sizzles with electricity with anticipation.
She says "The aliens are getting ready to attack" and begins to play. The world around you changes as you hear the haunting melody being played with just the bass strings.
Suddenly, you are no longer in a room with ghosts.
> You find yourself back in AIPD headquarters. You realize that among Jim, Tony, Jason and Cory, the alien is.
The five of you sit at a table in an otherwise empty conference room. Jim, the newest member of the group, fiddles nervously with his hands.
you say "Jim, im testing your blood first".
"Oh, are you?" responds Jim.
You prick his finger, and pour some of his blood into a test tube. The other four watch as your tube. You cap it and put it in a bag.
You reveal your troubled past to Jim. You tell him that you had to kill your best friend when the two of you went to the same girl's birthday party and started kissing in a closet.
Jim says "Why?"
You say "I don't know, he just said something I didn't like and I punched him in the throat."
"What did he die of?" asks Jim.
You see Captain Jean Luke Picard, captain of the starship enterprise, enter the room with an alien scanning device.
"What's that?" you ask, noticing the device.
"That's a Gorn device to scan for life signs," says Jim.
He points the form device at your testicles and your entire body goes into pain.
"Found one," says Jean-Luc. "He's definitely not human."
You groan. Jim holds you hand.
> You realize you are the alien.
You realize that you are an alien. You feel different somehow, more powerful. The fact that you can play music so well is just a bonus.
you play a powerful Jizz solo. It is so good that all of the humans stare in awe, and the Gorn abruptly turn their heads.
"Now put your pants back on," says Jean-Luc.
You comply.
The moral of the story: under no circumstances should you piss yourself while getting scanned by Gorn technology.
Hey, you're the alien. You can do whatever you like.
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