EP326 #3

Posted under EP326 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Gargles, a guy who has started selling ice cream. At first, you're getting good business. However, a big fat guy shows up. He wants all your ice cream, but he doesn't want to pay. You say, "Buzz off." The fat guy pushes you to the ground and runs off with your ice cream.

Now you're in the middle of an ice cream fight! Who's side will YOU be on?
> You chase after the fat guy. Because he is fat, you catch him easily.
You go back home and tell your mom what happened. She says that it was just a misunderstanding, so you don't have to worry about it anymore.
> You the two of you have ice cream for dinner.
That night, you dream of a big bowl of delicious ice cream. You grab a big spoon and start eating.
Your dream turns into a nightmare when the Fat Guy appears and takes your big bowl away and shoves you to the ground. He holds you down by the ankles and proceeds to pour huge globs of ice cream on your head, laughing all the time.
> You wake up in a cold sweat.
The next day, you find out that the big fat guy's name is Ned. Ned comes to the ice cream shop and asks your mom for a scoop of ice cream.
Ned says, "I know you dreamed about me last night."
Your mom says, "That's not true! I never dreamed about him!"
Ned says, "I'm sure."
Your mom asks, "Should I serve Ned?"
You shake your head no and Ned notices.
Ned says, "I'll take some of that ice cream that the little kid is eating."
Your mom says, "I'm not serving him! He's younger than you!"
Ned asks, "How old are you, kid?"
You say, "I'm nine."
Ned says, "That's a weird age. My parents don't let me do anything."
> You give Ned some special ice cream laced with laxatives.
Ned eats the laxative ice cream, but he still wants more. So you give him some more until he's sick all over the floor.
Ned leaves and never returns.
you are watching the news that night when theres a report of a man dying, you recognize its Ned.
You think, "He must have eaten the laxative infused ice cream. I'm glad, hes never coming back."
Your Mom hears this and is aghast at what you've done to poor Ned. She says, "You poisoned a man? Are you a killer now?"
> You say "I didn't mean to kill"
You remember what happened last time you got in trouble for lying.
So you follow up by saying, "... But I'm glad he's dead."
Your Mom is speechless for a second, and then says, "You're a monster."
You don't argue, you just go to bed.
You have a dream about Ned again, but this time you realize you know how to reverse the process.
You see a big pile of ice cream at the bottom of the bowl, piece by delicious piece it begins to assemble back into a frozen mountain.
> You realize the mountain in your dream is Ned.
You could try to reverse the process, but you're not sure if it'll actually work. You try anyway.
You stare hard at the big pile of ice cream, and concentrate really hard.
Suddenly the Ice Cream mountain comes to life.  It is Ned, back from the grave!  Hot fudge pumps through his Mint Chocolate Chip body.
Ned is overjoyed to see you, but it isn't long before the joy turns to terror... he eats the two of you!
you land in a waffle cone bowl in Ned's stomach. You look around and see your sister on the ground, she looks like she's going into shock.
> You try to revive your sister with ice cream.
You begin spitting hot fudge into your sister's mouth.
"Come on sissy, snap out of it! We have to get out of here!"
You sister snaps out of it and you look for a wat out of the Ice Cream monster's stomach.  You need see a chocolate plug and eat your way out through his ass.
You see the opening but it's small. You need food to get through it.
As quick as you can, you dig your way out with your fingers, eating chunks of ice cream on the way.
You escape the monster unnoticed and rush to turn the AC up to max. Your sister starts to stir in the back and comes to. By this time the monster has noticed.
You hear an evil laugh from the kitchen and the monster enters.
Your momma enters room with a shotgun.
"Where are they?!"
"We escaped! The monster ate them!"
You point to the now awake, fully conscious now sister.
Your mother shakes her head.
Your entire family teams up on the Ice Cream monster that quickly starts to melt due to the increased temperature. It runs out the door and into the sun, burning up in seconds.
You Mom points the shotgun at you and your sister.
you plug the shotgun with two drumsticks and the shotgun backfires, blowing off one of her feet.
Your Mom screams in pain and your sister and you attack her with ice cream spoons, drumsticks, and anything else you can find.
You are given up for adoption and move in with your new family: A nice Jewish Family that likes to eat and give you a new name, "Milton."
The moral of the story: You have to be really careful with strange substances, even if they are cold and delicious.