EP326 #2

Posted under EP326 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Dr. Hershershtein, a professor of interhuman relations. Your whole life led to this moment. After 40 years of research, analysis, tests, a couple of diseased lab assistants, you've finally done it. You've invented the long awaited sequel, you've invented: Sex 2.0!

"Now I can give everyone in my class an education that will last them through their entire lives!" You exclaim excitedly.
> You draw a diagram of sex 2.0 on the board for the class.
You begin drawing out a diagram of your invention on the board for the class.
An angry student clocks you in the back of the head with a chastity belt.  You wake with Amnesia and have forgotten all of your Sex 2.0.
You go back to sleep and wake up with Amnesia again.
You have a dry throat but decide to whistle to relief yourself. The whole class responds by giving you an applause.
A concerned student takes to the hospital.
You wake up, have a mental breakdown and end up in a mental asylum.
> You make friends with another patient.
You sit in a straight jacket in the female ward of the asylum. Two police women enter the room and handcuff you to the bed.
they police women say to you "it's time for your strip search. My partners going to strip down too so you're not embarassed."
"Yes sir" one of the women says and takes off her badge and gun belt. She is wearing a police uniform but isn't armed.
As the female officers scrub you down, your research begins to slowly come back to you. You learn the name of the hospital and try to remember if there's any way out of here, but you're still strapped down and have no access to anything.
> You tell women about sex 2.0.
No reaction.
"Do you know what I'm talking about?" You ask the women.
"Yes, I do." They both say in unison.
You try again "Are you afraid to talk about it?"
you loosen up the officers with some toilet wine and sedatives you cheeked the day before.
They tell you about the invention but the don't seem to be too happy about it.
The officers tell you that William H. Macy, the sexiest actor in the world, sent them to free you.
"he said he wants to meet you, I'm not sure why..." The officer says.
You are about to ask another question when the officers relapse into unconsciousness.
> You william H. Macy walks into the room omniciously.
William H. Macy enters the room, he is wearing a bathrobe and slippers.
"Oh you are my dear. You've shown me a gateway into endless sexual opportunities. Now Am I beautiful?"
You tell William H. Macy about you amnesia and ask him to fill you in on the details of sex 2.0:
"It is a brilliant invention, a real game changer. I didn't invent it of course, I just perfected it."
William H. Macy helps you escape from the asylum. He unlocks the gates with his sexual magnetism.  The guards are so weak from being near him that they fall under his charm.
"I can see you want to ask me a question, so let me ask you one: Do you want to fuck?"
you coquettishly say "I forgot how to sex"
"Oh you sexy little thing, let me teach you. Let me see those tits, oh you have such delicious nipples. Let me suck on those, and fuck those beautiful lips..."
> You blush and tell him to continue.
In the middle of your lesson William H. Macy starts to blame others for his own actions.
> You say "I want you for Shameless 2."
The world-renowned Shameless actor agrees to play your hubby in the movie.
You get $100 million dollars to make the movie.
you blow the money on a drug-fueled escapade with William that you film with your phone. The video goes viral and makes you a sex symbol.
You cheap out and hire a REAL film crew to work on your next movie, they charge $200 million for the production.
In the midst of production on your next movie, you remember everything about your Sex 2.0 research and embezzle money for the movie to further your research.
You are soon arrested for embezzlement and sentenced to two years in a women's prison where you meet Kate Beckinsale.
She begins to tell you about Sex 3.0 but is soon arrested in a sex scandal. You learn that she and many other Hollywood actresses are frequenting a "douche club".
The moral of the story: even if you don't plan a life of crime, meeting a criminal will fuck your career up.