EP326 #1

Posted under EP326 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Greg Chubbs, an illegal Buttwipe Dealer who was in an earlier episode of AIPD.  Since that episode, you have become somewhat of a celebrity and you have written a book about your Buttwipe Dealing Life and how that AIPD episode has affected you.

Since the last time you saw him, he had been arrested for selling drugs on the streets of New York City.
you visit him in jail with a gift basket of butt wipes. He says he is glad to see you. You thank him for his help in getting your book published and tell him that if he ever needs any butthipes, he can just call you.
During your visit, you notice another prisoner who looks very familiar.  It is Jeremy Renner, a guy selling illegal Goat butter on the streets.  You approach Mr Renner and attempt to get to invest in your Buttwipes. Mr Renner wants to meet the man who is selling at a higher price than him and leaves you with Mr Renner.
> You haggle with him over the price of the buttwipes.
You leave the room with Mr. Renner and realize that you don't have enough money to pay for his buttwipes. You also notice that he has a police officer following him.
as you leave the prison, you see Jeremy giving something metallic to one of the prisoners. You notice that it is a silver cigarette lighter.
You approach the prisoner and ask him if he needs any buttwipes.
He turns around and shows you his cut up dirty asshole and says, "What do you think?"
You turn around and realize it's your buddy Greg. Greg asks the prisoner how much his buttwipes are and the prisoner tells him it's $15.
> You offer to sell Greg buttwipes for $7.50.
You walk back to the room and meet Greg and he tells you he can't afford your shitty buttwipes.
You yell at the guard that Greg tried to attack you and he is placed in solitary.
The next day, you see the prison TV and hear that a prisoner died yesterday from using illegal buttwipes. You feel guilty about Greg getting blamed for the death.
> You ask the guard how the prisoner died from buttwipes.
"He probably died from hemorrhaging!" the guard says.
> You find out the buttwipes that killed the inmate were laced with heroin.
You find out that the Prison TV is giving out a lot of "advice" to make sure you don't get knocked up, stabbed or have some other tragedy happen to you.
Don't forget your birth control!!!
> You test your supply of buttwipes for drugs.
You test your buttwipes and find that all of them are laced with Blue Dream, a very popular drug in prison.
You furiously storm into your supplier's warehouse and demand to know why your buttwipes are laced with drugs. He says you're the fourth prisoner to complain this month and that you have three days to move out.
You have no choice, but to bring your supply somewhere else to be made.
You learn that Blue Dream has the following side effects:
Raising of Sex Drive
You have three days to figure out what the fuck is going on.
you find out that the guards are using your old laced butt wipes. The prison is completely doped up on Blue Dream. You're sure of it now.
When you arrive at the prison, you are greeted by three guards who give you a can of buttwipes for each cell.
You learned the the Prison Warden is responsible for the manufacture and distribution of Blue Dream.  You sneak into his office at night and look for clues.
You find a list of names and addresses on a page.
Prisoner E, F and G all got buttwipes laced with Blue Dream.
Prisoner F is you.
> You sneak into the warden's bathroom and switch his buttwipes with the laced buttwipes.
You sneak into the bathroom and grab the warden's butt wipes.
You enter a stall and open your bag. You take out the folded buttwipes you've been rolling all week and open it.
You wake up the next morning and hear the news that the Prison Warden has overdosed on Blue Dream and died.
The prison is in chaos.
You have to act fast to take the position of Warden.
You search the prison and find that most of the guards are on drugs.
> You scream, "Dibs on Warden!" and you become the new warden.
Congratulations! You're now the new Prison Warden and enjoy your freedom and drug fueled position of power!
The moral of the story: Always buy from a well known supplier with a great reputation!