EP324 #2

Posted under EP324 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Chuck Thundernut, a toe wrestler. After the disaster that was toe world championship finals you are forced to leave Toe Wrestling Federation. Seeing no other option you decide to join local Backyard Toe Wrestle circuit. While official Toe Wrestling has some semblance of rules, independent circuit is mostly unregulated, and matches are way more dangerous. To prepare you decide to visit your old master, legendary Toebreaker Han, who lost one of his toes in the Backyard Toe Wrestling match. He says, that to have any chance to win, you need to learn the Forbidden Toe Wrestling technique, which is called "The Thunderdome".

"How do I get into the Thunderdome?" you ask.

Han laughs at your question, saying it's too complicated for him.
Han tells you, "The knowledge is already within you. When the moment is right, you will perform the Thunderdome."

"What does this mean?" You ask.

"It means, when the time is right, you will unleash the full power of your mind and body against your opponent."
Your first Backyard Wrestling opponent is Cory, a toe wrestler who wears a bucket on both of his feet. 
Han tells you, "The knowledge is already within you. When the moment is right, you will perform the Thunderdome." You manage to throw him over the top rope and cost him a fall, although he manages to claw his way back into the ring.

"That was a good start", you tell yourself.
This is the moment when you will unleash the power of your mind and body against your opponent, crushing him instantly.
"Alright Thunderman, let's get started." The announcer yells.
you build momentum in your big as you spin and spin and unleash a crushing toe slam on Cory, shattering his foot into a flimsy skin bag of broken phalanges.
"Oh dear, that was a really bad break", you hear the announcer say. "And now it's Thunderman's turn."
The crowd chants, "Finish him!" and you channel your knowledge of the Hokutoe Shinken martial arts style to hit a pressure point in his big toe causing him to explode into the crowd.
You quickly grab the bucket on his broken feet and put it over his head and fasten it tightly.
"Oh Thunderman, that was amazing! What an entrance!"
your next opponent enters the ring and immediately forfeits. The ref stops you from executing him and explains he is a top fighter and can easily beat the whole competition.
"I think he's scared", you think. "Good, it'll make this easier."
> You get a phonecall from an event organizer saying you are invited to a million dollar toe fighting match in Monaco.
The next event on your schedule is a million dollar toe wrestling contest in Monaco.
The organizer, Mr.Lucky Moghrabe, explains the deal.
Lucky says "The rules are simple. Two wrestlers enter, one wrestler leaves. Your first opponent is North Korean Tyrant Kim Jong-Un. He is widely considered the best big toe fighter in the world. Then after a short break, you will wrestle Mexican Drug lord El Martillo.
You tap Kim Jong-Un with big toe with you pinky toe and say, "You're already dead."
The crowd go wild as you channel your knowledge of martial arts from the old days starring Bruce Lee.
the surge on energy rushes to Kim's heart as it stops and he topples backwards out of the ring onto a bed of spikes.
"What an entrance!" you think.
You then watch as the lights dim and the giant screen above the ring lights up with El Martillo.
El Martillo enters the ring and he has the biggest feet and scariest looking toes you've ever seen.   His toe nails look as sharp as katana blades. 
"This could be a good match", you think.
The bell rings and the two fighters tie up.
He cuts you with his toenail file and you gouge his eyes out with your thumbs. He breaks your arm with a hammerlock and holds your head under water with a modified choke hold.
"His gas station is on the way to my house"
as you drown you have one last maneuver, you unleash a double-thunderdome right up El Matillo's butt and knock him out.
"Welp, there goes that plan", you think.
The lights come back on and you find yourself center stage with a microphone.
You are awarded the million dollar prized and crowned the International Backyard Wrestling champion by Lucky Moghrabe.
"This has been an amazing event! An event that will go down in history!"
The moral of the story: never try to stomp out a forest fire with a half-empty bucket of gasoline.