EP323 #2

Posted under EP323 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Elliot Choke-Man, the son of the infamous Stinky Pinky cult leader. The year is 2140 and a rival sect called the Wet Willies is out to assassinate you. You must put an end to this the only way you know how: by becoming their next victim!

The first thing you have to do is choose your victims. There are two ways to go about it: either you can take them on yourself or hire someone else.
You stage a big falling out with the Stinky Pinks and convince the Wet Willies that you have defected. They agree to help you in exchange for not killing you when they kill you. You decide to use them as bait, so you tell them where the Stinky Pinks hideout.
you point out the stinky hole and the Willies venture inside into a trap. Their leader Mike "Willy" Hunter, the founder of the Wet Willies, stays behind with you.
"This had better work," Willy says nervously, "and this better not be some elaborate trick to get me out of your way once you've killed the old man."
> You he takes you to the cult leader who is the Kool-Aide Man in a robe.
The cultists open fire when you arrive and you are caught in the crossfire. The Kool-Aide Man shrugs it off though and fights his way through the cultists to reach you.
The Kool Aid reaches you and asks you a question to reveal where you trues alliances lie:
"Do you like jalapenos?"
"I love jalapenos!" You say.
The Kool-Aid punches you in the face and runs off.
"That was not a test."
you reel from the hydrating punch and see the Kool-aid man lift a stinky pinky into his open jug and the cultist begins to melt.
"I must away. I will be back."
he runs off and you follow him down into the sewers.
You have arrived at the hideout of the Stinky Pinkies.
> You follow a trail of Kool Aide packets on the ground.
You follow the trail of packets until you find yourself in front of the Stinky Pinky's hideout. It is a crude underground lair with many tunnels.
> You hear a pack of Wet Willies pursuing you. You push forward, desperate to find the hideout.
The scent of the Willies gets stronger and you push yourself harder to escape.
A group of the disgusting cultists come out of a side tunnel and begin shooting at you.
you run down a sewer tunnel to escape the disgusting cultists and emerge in the foul smegma chamber.
You turn and see them coming and regrettably think of the greatest insult you can think of:
"Willies, scat!"
The Wet Willies begin to run and you seem pretty satisficed with yourself until you realize that they were running from the Kool Aid Man who appears right behind you and whisper right into your ear:
"You're next."
You don't have time to turn around before the Kool Aid Man hits you with a barrage of packets and seems to melt into the shadows.
> You open one of the packets and insert your pinky into the red powder.
You open the packet and find a big lump of red stuff.
You remember that you love jalapenos, so this looks pretty good to you.
You consume the jalapeno flavored kool aid and begin to transform into a not so ordinary looking guy.
You begin to feel the kool aid kicking in and have a surge of confidence.
"Let's see how these jalapenos taste."
You continue drinking all the jalapeno packets until the Kool Aid Man re-emerges and says, "It's about time I told you the truth about Kool Aid."
"Alright, Mr. Kool-Aid Man, what's the truth?"
"I'm not really an all-loving god. I'm actually a communist from the future."
you surge with patriotism as you charge the kool-aid man.
You swing your fist as he ducked and blocked your attack and punched you right in the side of the head.
" Communism is dead."
> You jump inside the Kool-Aid man and start drinking his jalepeno essence.
You think hard about how much you love jalepeno flavored kool aid and as you do, you get pulled into the Kool-aid man's body.
> You find the corpse of your dead father inside the kool Aide man.
"I can identify with you now."
The Kool-Aid man body is so strange, you can't help but start to feel a little closer to your dad.
"I am your father."
you mind meld with your father as you float in the aid and gain the following powers:
Your mind is linked with the aid itself. You can read its memories, control its movement and even force it to fight.
You can also take over any other kool-aid man you come across.
You fight the urge to meld completely with the Kool Aid and unleash Jalapeno powers.
You need to keep yourself separate or you won't be able to control the Kool-Aid.
You stay inside the aid as your father attempts to talk sense into you.
"What's the point of gaining these powers if I can't use them to fight my way out?"
"You just don't understand."
your fathers voice fills your mind "you must control the aid". The aid swirls and you and you burst from the kool-aid man, pieces of glass fly everywhere and you are born again in aid.
You continue to stay separate from the aid as your dad fills you in on some of the other abilities you gain.
"You can see in the dark and you have speed."
The moral of the story: you must fight your urge to merge with the kool-aid due to a loss like this.