EP323 #1

Posted under EP323 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Jack the hamster. Your owner moves out of their house and leaves you behind. You've been an inside hamster all your life and all you know of the outside world is that everything eats and you are small. You'll have to prepare for your new life on the outside.

The first thing you need to do is find a home. There are many places where animals can live, but they all have one thing in common: They must be willing to take them in!
> You go to a hamster adoption agency.
If you want to survive as a hamster, then you're going to have to get used to living with other animals. So you head off into the wilderness...
> You arrive at a large tree and are greeted by a squirrel named.
Squirrel: "Hey there little furry friend! I see you are in need of a home!"
You pickup your bindle of pellets and move in with Squirrel.
You live happily with Squirrel and his friend for a few months, but the relationship between you and the squirrel does not last. Although living with them is fine, you feel like they are are missing something that you have.
> You get in a fight with your roommates and you call forest trash.
One night after getting drunk on a bottle of stolen cognac, you insult the squirrel King. The next day, a drunken squirrel attack you.
You discover the squirrel has a secret meth lab. You end up losing an eye and being horribly traumatized. The squirrels burn down your tree house and run off with your beloved bird, the only thing left in this world.
> You request a meeting with the squirrel King  .
Squirrel King: "You lost an Eye little hamster man?! Ohh maybe we can help each other out!"
You negotiate with the squirrel leader to gain the use of his minions.
> You say "Highway to the Methadome zone! "
You head to the red highway and take out a few of the car drivers for their car parts.
you fashion a crude gun from the car parts and armor for your minions and set out to rescue Bird from the dreaded  Mountain Clan.
You begin your attacks on the mountain stronghold, with the help of your new friends you take out a few key members.
> You find tied up with an apple in her mouth that can be stretched like playdough.
You use the time you take to untie the girl to speak to her.
The girl bird says," oh thank you! I was so hungry the the the the the the the the the the the the the the!!"
This is a really odd thing for her to say so you decide to focus on rescuing her.
You that bird has been traumatized. It's obvious that she has been kept in a cage for a while.
You: "Hey, hold on for a second..."
You approach the tied up girl, and throw an apple to her.
The apple stretches upon impact .
You: "Ha ha! Check this out!"
The girl struggles to get the stuck apple off her feet.
You: "Hey, you're a genius!!!"
You decide to use the sticky apple in your war against the squirrels.  You stop the squirrel army in it's tracks and they are all tangled up in the taffy apple.  You confront the Squirrel King.
You: "Lets see you escape this one!"
The squirrel leader puts his hands up and says," I give up!"
You: "Good, now untie the girl before I kill you."
 The squirrel unties the bird. You take one of the squirrel leader's eyes, then order your minions to attack him.  The king escapes and you take his eye patch to replace your own.
The bird stretches her wings and tries to fly away.
You: "Wait!"
You try to stop the girl from leaving.
Bird flies away into the sunset and you hear her yell, "the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the"
You: "That's odd. She said something different than what she wrote in her last letter."
You walk into the trees and find your bird with her new friends.
> You say "Give me my apple back."
The birds: "Ha ha! You didn't even get to eat it you sissy."
At this point you realize that this is a really stupid idea. You realize now that this is all the squirrels fault.
You realize you have no home here now, you leave the mountain and head back to the hamlet.
Your name is now Snotty Snouts
You: "Thanks a lot you little bastard."
The moral of the story: It's not the mountain, it's the mole.
Note: This is where the story would end. There are no more choices in this story.