EP318 #2

Posted under EP318 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Chuck "The Mad Duck" Thundernut, a professional toe wrestler. You've entered Toe Wrestling World Championship. Your first opponent is a spry young wrestler named Billy "Crooked toe" Masters. You know it won't be an easy match.

You step into the ring and take your place in the center of the ring. The crowd goes wild as you walk out to face your opponent.
As Billy walks to the ring the crowd boo's him and throw rotten vegetables. Crooked toes looks at his opponents face and says, "I'm not here for that." He steps up to you and raises both of his hands.
> You the match begins and you go for your opponents toes.
He tries to pull his foot back, but you hold on. "Let's do this." He grins and the match begin. Both of you quickly tie up and then break for each other's feet.
You gain inspiration when you hear your theme tune that follows you around wherever you go. It's just ACDC's thunderstuck with "Thundernut" swapped in. You charge towards your opponent and try to knock his legs away from him.
Your strategy succeeds, but your timing is off. He hops out of the way and lands on his feet.
> You attempt to strike his little pinky toe.
You stretch out your leg and swing it towards Billy's knee. He hops around the ring, but you manage to land a little pinky toe. The crowd gasps as you hurtle into the ropes and come back.
> You attempt your signature move, the atomic toe drop, on Billy.
You dive out of the ring and Billy stands to meet you. He swings his arms and strikes your head with his left fist, then brings his right fist up to your eye.
You call out the ref for a blatant violation of toe wrestling, but the ref didn't see because he was looking at a woman in the audience who took her top off.
You take a deep breath and begin to yell insults at the crowd.
"Fuck off, you fucking peasants!"
The crowd gets angry and starts throwing chairs into the ring. The guards rush in and grab you, dragging you out of the arena.
You find yourself back at the arena lockers. You look at your broken nose and feel angry for the first time today.
you make a new wresting league, the New World Toe-der with Tony, a wrestler who can charm women's sock off with his hot hair. You have a tag team match with Tony coming up next.
You make an appearance and sit in the front row. "Thundernut's" theme music hits and you look on as the crowds goes wild for your friend.
All the women in the audience throw their socks  into the ring, but one has toe cheese with hair. "Thundernut" thanks the ladies and begins to do his thing.
You check your phone for the time, there's still half an hour before your match.
you put on a strip tease for all the ladies to get them hyped up for your match.
You make your way to the wrestling ring and get in position. The announcer does his thing.
"Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a special treat for you. The man himself, Thundernut."
The crowd begins to chant "Thundernut! Thundernut!" which breaks out into applause for him. You give a wave as he walks to the ring, clearly loving the adulation.
Your tag team partner, "Tiny" Timmy, the size of a toddler, comes out to the stage and waves to the crowd.
"Alright, who wants some fun? Let's get to it," says the announcer as the match begins.
the match starts and you Hurl Timmy at your opponent feet first.
Time for you to shine and you sweep his legs from under him and take him down.
You lock in a technical death lock, but the crowd starts throwing things like plastic chairs and light bulbs at the ref.
The ref is too distracted to count for the pin to end the match and you end up murdering your opponent.
You leave the ring and begin to kick away the wooden boards covering the doors in an effort to let the crowd out.
The ref finally sees what has happened and is terrified of what you have done.
You continue to incite the crowd by pumping your fist in the air and motioning for them to help you escape.
But escape they will not!
> You flick a match with your toe, and flick it into the crowd. The crowd catches on fire.
You smile, as the crowd of people begins to panic and rush for the exits.
You flick your wrists and the fire from the match flies into the crowd.
The $1 moonshines and the overall grease of the crowd makes them go up in flames instantly.
You laugh as they scream and run for their life.
The fire marshal finally comes to the ring, and you leave the scene as the crowds screams die down into sobs.
The moral of the story: never leave the scene of a fire, it's probably arson.