EP316 #2

Posted under EP316 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Lobster Man, a man who was bitten by the radioactive lobster as a child. Ever since that day you've been able to telepathically communicate with lobsters but they have nothing interesting on their minds. You have a much stranger lobster themed ability to read people's minds and can even control them if you want to.

"I don't know what this is all about but I think it would be best if we did not meet right now."
You look around the room to see who was speaking and see Jason, Tony, Cory and Jim, a quad of guys who flush lobsters down the toilet for the heck of it.

"What do you mean no meeting? We're here!"

Jason looks at you and then back to his companions. He doesn't seem too happy about your decision.
You sense that they are up to no good and decide to read Jason's mind:
You sense a red herring, a bad idea or a trap. You can't tell. You sense that if you do not intervene, tragic violence will follow.
> You decide to intervene.
You tell the others to stand down.
"Listen, I know what you're planning and I'm not having it."
They are all looking at you.
you pinch all of their feets so bad.
Cory, Jim and Eric all let out horrible shrieks.
Cory and Jim both start crying. Even though you pinched their feet really hard.
"You're a Penguin, right?"
You use mind control to make these guys put themselves in the toilet as justice for what they've done to lobster kind.
"I'm throwing you in there, with the lobsters!"
You make them walk into the bathroom.
"Phew, I don't think we come out of that alive."
"I guess not."
> You flush Jim, Eric, Jason and Corey down the toilet.
You enter the bathroom with the pee-filled toilet. You see 4 bleeding bodies in the corner.
Strange what you do to get justice.
you look down at the bloodied bodies and say "Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear Jason Happy Birthday to you."
You make you way to the gift at the end of the hall. You open it up and see some new earrings. They are simple gold studs but they are the perfect size for your girlfriend's ears.
you go visit your girlfriend and ask her "how do you like gold earrings" and read her mind to see what she really thinks.
"I think they're okay, but I wish you would've gotten me something nicer. Oh wait, I can't really wish my boyfriend a happy birthday if I don't know it's his birthday right?"
You attempt to read your girlfriend mind, but you get nothing, it's like she blocked you out.
"If I tell you it's my birthday will you remember?"
"Ah, yes it's your birthday! Happy Birthday, I love you"
Your girlfriend asks you to get in the hot tub with her. You agree.  You feel so weird with all your plans today and what you did. You wonder if you should tell your girlfriend but then again she does have a sweet temper and would probably be mad at you for days.
Your girlfriend says "You're starting to look like a puffer fish, honey."
You make a joke "I wish I got that from the lobsters, it would make things a lot easier.", to which she replies "Haha! Very funny."
The hot tub is filled with bubbles.
> You your shell is turning red. You start to feel like you're being cooked alive.
The bubbles seem to be burning you and the inside of your body. Your whole body feels like it's on fire.
"Oh my god, I can't take it anymore!"
> You feel the hot tubbutter jets activating as she puts rubber bands on your claws.
The hot tub shuts off and your body is released.
"Maybe I should do something about my ears".
Your girlfriend notices your bloody lobsters "What happened to you?" She asks.
You realize the the hot tub has cooked most of your body.  You sit down, hardly able to move, and then notice your girlfriend dipping your tail into butter.
"Hey what the heck you doing?"
"Putting butter on your tail, what does it look like?"
"I can barely move, what are you doing?"
> You she licks the butter off you.
The butter is melted off of you and the heat of the tub has melted the butter. You feel a cool breeze on your body and see that your body is now slippery, like a crab shell.
You girlfriend lunges at you preparing to devour you, however she slips on the butter and falls head first into the boiling hot tub. You grab her claw and pull her out.
A bright light shines on your girlfriend as she slowly gets up. A loud buzzer goes off, awakening the whole house.
You reveal that you are on a reality TV show exposing women that date lobster men just to eat them. You girlfriend runs out the door and you follow after her.
You find her in another hallway surrounded by a giant media camera. A red carpet is laid out for her.
The moral of the story: Don't break lobster men's hearts.