EP315 #2

Posted under EP315 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Sally Conrad, a waitress working for Red Lobster. One night, towards the end of your shift, a large man appears out of nowhere. He is wearing a lobster bib and sunglasses, and he speaks in a strange accent. He informs you that he has been sent from the future to protect you. According to him, you are about to alter the course of human evolution by inventing vapeable seafood. However, a group of powerful non-vapeable food producers have sent a killer cyborg back in time to kill you! You hear a loud crash from the kitchen, and the Lobster Man yells "get down!"

You run into the kitchen and see a dead body on the floor. The Lobster Man looks at it and says "That's my daughter." Then he turns around and runs off...
> You chase after the Lobster Man.
You follow the Lobster Man through the restaurant, which is now filled with people who were not supposed to be there. Suddenly, you hear a gunshot behind you.
> You the gunshot came from the killer cyborg who loudly complains "I need more PINA COLADA sauce!" as he fires his gun and breaks a giant display fish tank.
You continue to chase the Lobster Man until you reach the front entrance, where he once again disappears. You enter the street, which is filled with police cars and news vans.
You see a local news reporter interviewing Jason, a regular customer who wants breadsticks, because Olive Garden wouldn't let him have any. The reporter asks "What happened here?"
Jason responds "I was having lunch with my wife and daughter, and all of a sudden this man who claimed to be a lobster appeared out of thin air and attacked us."
you ask Jason to describe the Lobster Man.
Jason responds "She was blonde, and had a red lobster bib on."
The reporter asks "Did you see what he looked like?
Just then you look into the middle of the street to see Lobster Man yelling at an old lady that almost hit him with her car. She looks angry and is clutching her chest.
The reporter turns to you and says "So, what do you think?"
You pause, then respond "I think he needs a red lobster bib."
> You throw a lobster bib to Lobster Man and he catches it in slow motion.
You run to catch up with the Lobster Man, but you can't find him. Meanwhile, the killer cyborg walks out of a nearby building and shoots you in the back. You fall down and break your leg.
You manage to escape by crawling into a nearby storm drain. You see the Lobster Man standing nearby, so you wave and call out to him. He turns around, pauses for a second, then runs away at lightspeed.
> You on a hunch, you go to the nearest vape store. You find Lobster Man behind the counter, assembling a vape out of different parts.
Lobster Man turns around and sees you. He says "Mazuma approved! Mazuma approved!" Then he begins to put the final piece of the vape together.
as the final piece of the vape clinks into place the Killer cyborg enters the vape shop. He sees you and lobs a grenade at you. You duck behind the counter as it goes off, destroying the store. Your cover is blown and Killer cyborg walks over to you, smiling.
Killer Cyborg extends his hand to help you up and says, "Come with me if you want to vape"
You grab his hand and he yanks you up. Then he holds a lighter up to your throat and threatens to light it if you don't tell him where the rest of the Vapors are.
you are confused and gesture to the entire vape store surrounding you.
The cyborg asks you where the rest of the Vapors are, and you tell him you don't know. He puts the lighter back in his pocket and says "It doesn't matter, let's go."
> You hear the hum of an activated vape. Lobster man charges at Killer Cyborg unleashing the futuristic power of the lobster vape.
You see the Killer cyborg react, as he leaps away from you. The Lobster Man, on the other hand, simply stops and says "vapor?".
you realize Lobster Man is powered by vapor, and begin inserting every vape flavor you find into his vape hole.
The cyooter reloads and fires at you. You dive out of the way and hear an explosion. You sense the Lobster Man has been hit, but surprisingly he's not dead.
All of the various vapes have given Lobster Man the following super powers: "Immortality, superhuman strength, speed, agility, and accuracy."
The Killer cyborg continues his assault on you. He reloads his shot gun and lobs a grenade at you.
You notice Lobster Man has run away and, but you are saved by a bloodlusted Saitama that is able to smack mosquitoes flying in front of him.
Killer cyborgy is reloading his shotgun.
You take the opportunity to grab a rifle from one of the dead cyborgs and start sniping the cyborg.
Before can take a shot, Saitama kills the cyborg in one punch.
The Lobster Man grabs a nearby fire extinguisher and start blasting at Killer cyborg, at which point he's able to reload his shotgun.
You realize that this fight will probably go on forever so you give up on vapeable seafood and just go home to watch Wheel of Fortune.
Killer cyborg shoots several rounds of shotgun damage at Lobster Man and eventually kills him with a shot directly to the head.
The moral of the story: if you want to stay alive in this world, you need to watch what you eat.