EP314 #2

Posted under EP314 #2, Story On By Chief

The birds sing at dawn. Snakes dance in the verdant grass. Is my oven on?

I've been dreaming of you all night, and I can't sleep. I have to keep going. My body is weak from hunger, but it's not enough for me to just rest here.
> You go hunting for dancing snakes.
You walk through the forest with your bow drawn. The sun is high in the sky when you see a snake dancing across the ground.
> You shoot your bow at the green snake.
The arrow hits the snake, and it falls to the ground with a thud.
A large, winged creature is flying overhead.
You walk towards the creature, curious and wary at the same time.
you look at the sun and winge and the winged creature. You take aim and notice the beast is quite large.
You fire at the creature, but your arrow falls short, flying into the sky and disappearing into it.
Suddenly, the sky darkens, and a peal of thunder booms.
You see a figure appear in the sky and you hear it shout, "Who dares to shoot at my pet winged creature!?"
The figure is shrouded in shadows, but you feel certain it is some mortal man.
You raise your hands to show you mean no harm.
> You say "I mean you no harm!"
The figure in the sky laughs, and the sky lightens again. You notice that your arrow lies, quivering in the air a few feet away. You realise you are looking at a powerful wizard.
> You shoot the wizard again, this time using your magical-tipped arrow. "I lied!" you say as you release the arrow.
The arrow flies true, hitting the wizard squarely in the forehead. He falls to the ground, dead.
The sun returns to its former position, and the sky clears.
> You teabag the wizard's face in victory.
You walk away from the wizard's corpse, feeling tired. Your legs are weaker than ever, and you feel cold. You see a small village in the distance.
You see the village and realize how badly you have to go to the bathroom.  You almost make, but don't, and exclaim, "Oh, man, I crapped my pants."
The village looks like it requires some investigation.
You decide to investigate the village.
You walk towards the village.
You see a church in the village, and you decide to investigate that instead.
> You enter the church and see...
You stop in the doorway, staring quietly for a few minutes. You slowly step inside, staring at the coffin on the stage.
you waddle up to the coffin and see a monstrance, a large silver cross mounted on a wood staff. You reach out and touch the coffin, staring at it in wonder.
You notice the small, shadowy figures watching you.
you steal the monstrance and run through the monster entrance.
You see a series of doors, and you slowly open them one by one.
You enter a massive castle, occupied. You find a few monsters drinking from a stable boy.
The monsters shout at you and call you rude for not knocking first.  With nothing better to do, you decide to leave.
You walk down the castle corridor, planning to leave. You see a flight of stairs, leading up.
> You go up the flight of stairs and see...
You walk up the stairs cautiously. You reach the top of the stairs, where you see a massive throne, encrusted with rubies, and a series of murals of fantastic monsters.
You sit on the throne and hear a voice, "Ah no, he got shit on me throne!" You look down and see a small, purple creature wiping shit off of the throne.
> You say "Who the fuck are you??"
The creature glares at you and says, "Aminadab, king of the kingdom of M place!"
A voice shouts from down the hall. The creature snarls and points at you, "Go!"
You go down the hall and see the bathroom, you take your right spot on your porcelain throne and clean the shit out of your pants.
You hear a cry from the other room. You look and see the monster, walking from the bathroom, heading towards the stairs.
You dash down the stairs and out the front door of the church.
You trip and fall.  You look up and see a woman about your age staring at you. You stand up.
She walks closer and says, "Hey, you dropped a coin."
"Thanks," you say, as she hands you the coin.
"Thanks," she says, staring at you.
She turns around and says, "Oh by the way, you DID leave your oven on and your house has exploded.  Have a good day!"
She leaves. You sigh and go back inside your house.
You find all your possessions gone.
You sigh.
The moral of the story: If you're a wizard, you shouldn't leave your bathroom door propped open.