EP314 #1

Posted under EP314 #1, Story On By Chief

Ride Wife. Life is good. Wife fight back, kill wife. Wife gone. Think of wife. Regret. You think of wife.

You have a lot to live for and you're not going to let your past get in the way of it.
you try find new wife.

The next day you wake up with a start. The first thing that hits you is the cold wind blowing through your hair.
You see lots of women at cave bar, you approach.
You stumble over your words, which is unusual for you.
"Hair? Skin? Eyes?"
A young woman with bold features smiles at you.
> You tell the woman your best pick-up line:.
The woman looks impressed.
"What did you say?"
She sounds American or Canadian or something.
"You don't want to know about me," you tell her. "You want to know about... me."
Suddenly your flirting is interrupted by Jason, the Grinch who stole Birthdays, yelling at the wait staff for singing the happy birthday song.
"I can't fucking hear my music!" he screams, nearly knocking over the table in the process.
Just then, an explosion is heard outside.
You go outside and see the source of the explosion is obscured by the dark storm clouds that have gathered. A crowd of people has gathered around a burning van, and you notice some pretty crazy people running around, wearing hoodies and bandanas and shit.
you ask "what did van do to all of you"
One of them wouldn't stop screaming so anpone them started banging on it with a bat yelling "be quiet!"
"It was just full of presents," someone says.
You go, "Presents!?" and run into the burning van.
You find a bunch of wrapped boxes, but you don't know what you're meant to do with them.
you tear open the boxes, shocked at what you find inside.
You find a large, flat-screen television.
You continue opening boxes until you find a, "Wii U," Nintendo's newest console.
> You drive to the local orphanage and give the kids all the boxes you opened. You keep the gifts for yourself.
The timing was perfect.
You took all the boxes so the kids would have bigger gifts to open on their actual birthdays, or whatever big day that came after the 25th of December. The Second.
as you leave the orphanage you stroll past a bus full of women. You board it, and find yourself in the middle of a highway.
You see a police car driving up the road. You flag it down and get in.
The driver smells strongly of cigarettes.
> You feel so much regret that you admit to murdering your wife.
"Yeah," you say, "I murdered my wife. Surprised it took so long for the cops to find out."
The driver is quiet for a moment. Then, he lets out a hearty laugh.
You double down and say, "No really, I murdered my wife, please take me to jail."
The driver lets out a sigh. "Alright, alright, but I didn't kill your wife."
You get to the police station and the driver puts himself in jail.
You're taken to a cell and put in a four-person cell. You get a middle-aged woman, a middle-aged couple, and a high-schooler.
you tell the couple "one of you should kill the other, really free yourself."
The man laughs and says "he'd kill me."
The woman nods in agreement.
You continue "the other should hide the body.
The moral of the story: you have to kill them all.
You go to bed that night, wondering who to kill first.
The next day a man is brought into the cell. He's shackled and dressed in an orange jumpsuit.