You are Jason, a guy who is Part of a Beastie Boys cover band called The Beardie Boys with your bearded AIPD co-stars Cory and Tony. Jim is angry he can't join The Beardie boys because he doesn't show the lower part of his Face and that no one knows if he has a beard or not. The rest of you: "Are you sure about this? I mean we all know it's just going to be for show. You don't really want us around do you? You say "I need you guys, without you I'm just the bearded boy. now lets get ready for our show." You all go to take the stage just as Dreddie Van Halen, lead singer of a Van Halen cover band stops you. "I've been hired to stop you!" He lights a cigarette as he says this and goes to hit you with it. you show Dreddie your cigarette-burn calloused arm and say "try to hurt me!" as you punch him. He falls to the floor with blood coming from his nose, he says "I can't go on stage like this..." as he starts to check his nose and then starts to pull himself up. You shove him to the ground and take the stage to perform your hit cover of "Fight for your right to party" Was it worth it? > You suddenly you are hit in the head with a guitar. You are hit so hard you fall into the drum kit as the rest of the band tries to pelt him off with drumsticks. "Fuck! My head!" You have a full band on band brawl in the middle of the show. The crowd is loving it! The lead singer comes back to the stage and picks up your bass. "Fuckin' eh. Looks like you didn't know who you were messing with." Reindr0b, sponsoring the show, just delivered real life-sized giant robot for Intergalactic. You hop in the robot and use it for crush Dreddie. "And now for a special request..." he says. you try to smash Dreddie when he JUMPs into the air. Unfortunately, you missed. He knocks your legs away and the two of you have a back and forth fight. It ends when you drop Dreddie on the crowd. The mosh pit consumes him and his destroyed bass as the crowd goes wild! "I think they just ate him." You say. "Eeh, I don't care. I'm done with him anyway." you take a bow in your giant robot as the MC says "the brawl of the bands is over. The winner is the Beardie Boys!" A crowd surfer dances on your banner. "But who won the fight?" He asks. You look at the two of them and realize you can't tell a lie. Killing Dreddie gave you the the beard touch, which is less of an item and more of a infectious disease which causes anyone you touch to start rapidly grown hair all over their body until they choke to death on their own mass of hair. You test out your power by touching the crowd surfer. He begins to get hair all over his face until he's nothing but a screaming ball of rage. "The Beardies Won!" The entire club is quarantined and the "hairy ones" are wrangled. The last time you remember having mass hair growth on a large scale was when the Black Hook first visited. The Black Hook, a pirate captain and the manager of your band, finally shows up in the tour bus to pick you up and sees all the chaos. "What the hell happened here? Did I miss something?" You explain everything, and when you're finished he laughs. "I knew you were a liar!" He says, pointing to his clean chin. you touch the Black Hooks chin and bestow the beard touch upon him. "The beard touch turns liars into truth tellers." The Black Hook goes red and begins to sweat nervously. You grill the Black Hook with a series of revealing questions: "What is the name of the band you came to see?" He asks. "The Beardy Brothers and the Black Hook." You say. "I knew I forgot something..." he says. The moral of the story: If someone dresses nicely, drives a tour bus and has a clean chin, they are probably rich and powerful. You finish up the last bits of your story and take a breather.