EP312 #1

Posted under EP312 #1, Story On By Chief

You are the Kool-Aid Man, a popular drink mascot and a recurring character in AIPD. You think it's time you get your own TV show. You pitch an idea for a live-action sitcom about you and Hollywood quickly agrees to make it. You shout, "Oh, yeah!" You eagerly await to hear what A-list actor gets hired to play you in the show.

A few months pass and you're still waiting for that big name to be cast as you. Finally, after a year passes, the show is finally greenlit by the network.
You look at the teaser poster for the show and the person they've chosen to play you is Lizzo. You're not sure if she'll turn out to be good enough or not, but you can't wait to see how it turns out.
you go over the script with Lizzo. You say "you have to learn to be Kool-Aid. Embrace Diabetes!"
You both wait eagerly for the pilot to begin.
The show airs and is a complete failure. It gets bad reviews and low ratings. It's cancelled after one season.
> You talk to the network ceo for feedback about the show and beg for another chance.
You immediately call the head of the network and start begging for another chance.
The CEO says "studies show people like fatter characters. you need to gain for weight for the role." you take the advice to heart and begin a regiment of all corn syrup and gain 100 pounds. You feel warm and fuzzy inside as you believe you've found your true calling... Being fat.
A few years pass and you finally get a second chance at a show.
You get an offer from TLC to be on their new show "My 600 Gallon Life".  You accept.
The show is a roaring success, going on for six seasons and spawning two spin-offs.
The spinoff shows are listed as:
1) "My 700-690 Gallon Life"
2) "My Other Life, It's a Secret"
You're on Today Show, Ellen, and The View.
you go onto Ellen and make an embarassing admission on the show.
You become the most famous person to be on the show and a role model for people with secret lives as Slim-Jim's.
You revelation causes Slim Jim stocks to plummet. Jim's withdraw from store shelves in the U.S. and people don't feel comfortable buying a product from a company that makes fun of people with a normal weight.
Within two years, the entire company goes bankrupt.
you rebrand Slim Jims as a weight loss food. The product is a success, but the incident cost Jim and his company, so much that it goes out of business.
Life goes back to normal.
You never gain weight ever again.
Late one night you call Lizzo on the phone and are too embarrassed to speak. She meets you at a Denny's where you order three breakfast platters.
You profess you love for Lizzo and apologize about the show.
She states you don't need to apologize. She goes onto say that she's glad that you let someone else make fun of you.
The moral of the story: Everyone has a secret life as a fat guy. You should try it sometime.