EP309 #1

Posted under EP309 #1, Story On By Chief

You wake up and see that you have 100 trillion dollars. You don't know whether it is an error with your bank but you're either going to withdraw as much money as you can or spend it. Be smart about this. Once your card is blocked there is no going back.

You decide to spend the money on a few things, namely a nice car and some jewelry.
you decide to get a piercing in your favorite body part: Your asshole!

After getting all of your shit together you go out and buy a bunch of stuff. You also start taking advantage of the fact that you now have free time again.
You decide to buy a machine that creates 100,000 U.S dollars per second (It cost 10 trillion). Then you start spending that money.

You continue spending money as if there is no tomorrow.
you are busy printing money for yourself when you get a knock on the door. Its the head of the US treasury.
"Hey mr. president, you need to see this!" One of your servants says while showing the treasury head in your room.
You sit up and pay attention.
"You are creating all this money?" He asks. "Your spending is out of control! You can't do that! Its against the law!
> You say "I learned it from watching you!"
"I learned it from watching you!"
"Hm, true. I guess we'll have to change the law then..."
"Go fuck yourself," you snarl.
"The government needs to do something,"
You purchase the island of Belle Isle in Detroit, Michigan, and declare it a country called Belle I've. I'll run the country and all of you can live there and work for me. You people have been so friendly to me that I want to return the favor.
> You round up all your servants and pack all your belongings into the jet and head to Belle Isle.
After a two-hour flight, you're on your way to the new country of Bell Isle. The island is beautiful; though not as big as some others in the region, it's beautiful and has everything you need.
you are standing on a hill observing your country when an arrow lands next to you, its from Hawkeye, Avenger who has been hired to kill you.
No sooner have you turned when another one lands right next to you. Then another.
> You realize the man shooting at you is Hawkeye. You dispatch your security guards to arrest him, and they do so easily, because Hawkeye sucks.
You run to the nearest phone and call your assistant, Carol.
"Carol, itsfired. Arrest Hawkeye and bring him back to New York for me."
Inspired by dispatching of your first assassin, you write a new national anthem for Belle I've:
"Belle Isle has no king, our land is free, from sea to shining sea,"
You decide to spend a few more days in your country before returning to New York.
> You visit Hawkeye in prison and show him your asshole piercing.
You visit the prison where Hawkeye is being held. After flashing your security card, you enter his cell. He's laying on his bed, reading a tattered copy of Peter Pan.
> You knock the book out of Hawkeye's hands.
You knock the book out of Hawkeye's hands and the two engage in a sword fight. You land a lucky blow on his head, knocking him to the ground.
You bribe the prison guard to let you finish your duel.  You swing swords back and forth for a few exchanges, but Hawkeye knocks your sword away.  You bend over to pick it up and then you drop your pants and show off your piercing blinding him. You immediately grab your sword and get into a fighting stance.
"Alright, alright, I'm blind! Alright!" he says while grabbing a bottle of pills from his bed.
You realize the pills he picked up were not correct and Hawkeye is currently downing a large container of rat poison.
"What's the big deal?" he snarls. "It's not like a guy hasn't died from taking one or two of those before."
The moral of the story: Don't fuck with dead guys.
You quickly duck and cover while Hawkeye chugs the rest of the poison and then dies immediately.