EP307 #3

Posted under EP307 #3, Story On By Chief

Hot girl at the beach, seems to be around your age, sudden gull attack. You're not sure if you should help or stay and watch them eat her alive.
Thankfully she is hot so you decide to help her.
You run up to her and grab her by the hair while grabbing a nearby rock. She struggles but manages to get away from you.
"I'm sorry!" she says as she runs off into the woods.
> You throw the rock at the seagulls then run off into the woods after the girl.
You grab the rock and throw it at the seagulls and run as fast as you can away from the beach, once in the trees.
"Thank you so much!" she pants.
> You check over her body for bird scratches and stuff.
You check her body for any kind of scratches but find nothing.
"I don't think they got me... But we need to keep moving.
Suddenly Jim Christ, who is Surfing on a Dead body, calls for help and runs towards you running as fast as him can to get past the gulls.
"They have eaten away his stomach, they have eaten away his guts."
you run out to Jim, slapping gulls left and right.
"Jim, what's wrong?"
"The birds... They, they just tore him apart. You have to protect your stomach. They can do it really fast."
The three of you head further into the wood and find a cabin.
"Is this it?" you ask.
"Yeah..." says the girl.
You open the cabin to see it is littered with Anti-gull propaganda.  You look at a poster and it reads: Pre-historic monster vs Man-eating birds. You bet the monster will win.
"We have to keep the gulls away from our house." says the girl.
you look around the cabin for things to arm yourself with and find the following 10 items:
A lead pipe (short-long)
A shotgun (specially modified with birdshot)
A crossbow (with 3 steel bolts, one is pointed)
A box of matches
A lantern (with extra oil)
A fishing rod
A box of dehydrated food
A first aid kit (with antibiotics, bandages, ointments, painkillers and more)
You choose the shotgun.
Jim Christ says "Did you find any condoms" and winks at the girl.
"Why do you ask?" you ask.
"So we can have a baby. Lots of babies want to come into the world." he says.
"I think you should use the shotgun on them."
You combined the shotgun with the condoms to create the ultimate seagull weapon: the flying seagull condom.
"We should share this idea with the rest of the world." says the girl.
You take a step and feel a loose floorboard that you lift up to discover a flute.
"What's this?" you ask.
"It's mine." she says as she takes it from you and hides under a bed.
You put the flute back and find a map under a table.
you lure the seagulls with the dehydrated food and wait in ambush. When the flock of gulls get close, you release your weapon of choice and begin shooting at the flying monsters. The shotgun has birdshot, small pellets designed to wound rather than kill but it works fine for birds.
The girl begins to play the flute and it mind controls the birds. You continue to fire and the birds begin to fall from the sky.
Eventually you run out of ammo and you the birds come back.
"We should go now." says the girl.
Jim christ pours lantern oil over himself and runs outside. Jim yells "Save yourselves!" as he lights himself on fire, distracting the birds allowing the three of you to make a run for it.
The girl runs out first and once again you follow, reloading your shotgun as you leave.
Jim Christ shout out as you run away, "Don't worry!  I'll be back in three days!"
The Girl smirks as she takes off running towards the city.
You put your shotgun down and begin sprinting towards the city.
Three days pass and you hold up in an old Denny's.  Jim Christ miraculously reappears, but also looking very badly burnt.
Three days pass and you hold up in an old Denny's.  Jim Christ miraculously reappears, but also looking very badly burnt. He stands outside the diner, but quickly runs inside when he sees you.
"Go! Go! He's going to strike again!" he shouts as he disappears behind the diner doors.
"I thought you'd died!" you exclaim.
"So did I..."
"How did you survive? The last film I saw you in, you were set alight!"
"I had sex with the manager. We're going to have a baby."
"Mother of god..." you say.
You walk in and find an older woman cleaning a table.
"What can I get for you?" she asks.
You see the manager walk out, it is a giant female seagull that turns to Jim and says, "CAWWW, I'm pregnant!" before the manager sets her alight.
The waitress turns to you and says, "Do you want anything?"
"I'll have an eggnog latte and a slice of cherry pie."
The moral of the story: Never get pregnant or have sex with a seagull.