EP306 #3

Posted under EP306 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Grug, a caveman who lives alone in small cave. Your hobbies include rubbing stick to make fire and hitting rock with bigger rock to make sharp rock. One day while babbling incoherently and banging rocks together something strange wanders into your cave, a small grey man with a large head and big black eyes. he says, "Hello" and touches you on the chest. You don't know what is going on but he doesn't seem hostile so you tell him your name. He replies, "Grug. Nice to meet you.
> You your chest starts to glow where the grey man touched you.
You fall to the ground and are unable to move. After a few minutes you come too. The grey man tells you that now he can read your mind.
The grey man says, ""Sup, can a loc come up in yo crib." You can't believe this is happening. He says, "You should come wif me and learn how to use your powers."
You learn that the grey man has given you the following powers:
Touch of Mind Control
Influence people's decisions and thoughts with a touch.
> You touch the grey man's chest to read his mind.
You feel a deep sadness, the man has been kidnapped by a mad man who is forcing him to make complex clocks. You also feel confusion and anxiety.
> You decide to return the man to his family.
You suddenly disappear from the cave and the man screams in surprise. He runs after you but realizes he is faster so he stops to wave at you. Then he turns around and runs back inside.
You ask the grey man, "Why don't you want to go home and leave Grug to read hot cave lady's mind?"
He replies, "I'm not allowed to leave."
You suggest, "Maybe if you tell me what the mad man looks like, I can try find him for you.
you look for man, you look hard. Nowhere man is you look. Maybe he is in another cave, you think to yourself. You return to the grey man and tell him what you have done. He thanks you and says, "We must go now, my friends are coming."
Grey man gives you map to mad man's cave. You try follow map, but cave is big and cave has many caves so you can't always tell which way is which on the map.
You arrive at cave that large dot which is your target.
> You bang rock on rock to fire stick and see cave now.
You fire stick at wall and stick fire making cave much more brighter. You see how that works.
You arrive at cave with another dot on the map.
> You see man. He look mad. He is mad man.
You arrive at the cave of the mad man. He is hunched over a sharpening stone and doesn't notice your presence until you bang the rock on the hard stone.
> You touch his chest and read his mind.
You touch the man and feel nothing. You are confused and ask if he has no mind. The man looks up at you with bloodshot eyes and starts howling, "Wat... wat... the bell..."
You touch his chest again, hoping you can make him snap out of it. "I am Grug, the man who runs the train" You think to yourself, This is weird.
you slam mad man against rock and run train on man. After howling some more the man becomes limp and you drop him on the floor. You notice the door to the cave is gone.
> You see many grey men come out from the walls.
You touch the grey men and feel a deep sadness, they are all dead. You become fearful and run out from the cave as fast as you can.
You still can't see the entrance and run head first into a wall.  You wake up on strange metallic table surrounded by grey men. A single one comes out from the wall and touches your chest.
"You have no heartbeat. You are dead." The machine says.
You are dead...
The machine probes you. You certainly don't feel dead.  You are awake and can feel everything. The entire world is covered in a deep, inky blackness. You are floating in the void, with only your mind as a anchor to the world.
> You see a beautiful woman come out of the black void.
You see a beautiful woman float out of the black void. She wears a robe with a strange skull on it. You notice her long hair is also a beautiful blue.
you touch beautiful womans chest. You can feel her immense power. She is a powerful mage of the sixth circle.
magnificently dressed woman asks, "Who are you?"
You reply, "I am Grug, a simple miner"
Woman is into Grug.  She holds his hands and tells jokes about her uncle. After a few minutes, she lets go of him.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" She asks.
"No."
"Why not?"
> You say "Tell me joke about Uncle."
"I don't have a girlfriend because I can't get anyone."
"Uncle fucked a horse once... Tell me another!"
"I can't, I have no girlfriend."
Grug want to impress pretty lady so tell joke about rock. Pretty lady happy and float over to rock. begin touch it.
"What are you doing?" Grug asked.
"I am checking if it is real."
"Oh, it is real."
Pretty lady tell funny joke about rock, it go like:
There was this rock,
And it sat on the shore,
A little tiny boat came by,
But the rock wouldn't move,
So the captain got very angry,
He raised his sword,
But the rock rolled down the hill,
Then the little boat went sailing away...
Pretty lady laughs at end.
you say "ok, we warm now. Lets run train"
Pretty lady holds your hand and you see a tunnel.
Pretty Lady tells you about the Omega plan.
"It is the plan that will make us rich. We buy nearly worthless substance and turn it into actual money. Then we sell the product, make profit, pay people, then keep money for business improvement."
you ask "does it have 401k"
"401k? No, but we do have good health insurance."
"What is the business improvement? I haven't heard about it."
"It is a thing that makes us rich. If we had it we wouldn't need omegas.
The moral of the story: Having a good health insurance is good, it makes you rich.
"Let us begin the operation"
Pretty lady touches you and two large circles appear on the ground. Several small grey figures begin appearing. you recognize them as mazcs. they are little creatures that can fetch things for you.
"These are mazcs. they will help us."