EP305 #1

Posted under EP305 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Tony, a man with sexy hair who has started a podcast called "Yawn talk". You are thinking about who to have on as your first Guest. You talk to Oprah and ask her if she has any ideas for your first guest and she says, "the perfect guest for this podcast is: David Hasselhoff."

"I don't know what that means," you say.

"It's a movie star!" Oprah says. "He's got an amazing body!
you ask David Hasselhoff to be on the show. He is hesitant until you mention the green room has cheeseburgers. David Hasselhoff agrees and they go back to his trailer where he shows off his body. It doesn't take long before you realize that this guy is the perfect guest for your podcast.
> You begin your podcast and ask David Hasselhoff an intriguing question.
You begin the podcast and tell David Hasselhoff, "Listen David, what I'd like to know is...
"Where I was born," David Hasselhoff says.
Just as David is about to answer the question of a lifetime, Jeremy Renner, who is angry that he didn't get chosen as your first Guest, storms the set and demands to know why.
"Why did you cut me out?!" he shouts. "I was supposed to be the first guest on this podcast!
> You reveal your troubled past which explains everything.
"Look, I'm--" you start to say.
"I don't want to hear it," Renner says. "I know how you feel about me. Don't think I don't."
You tell Jeremy Renner right to his face that you hate his Hawkeye character, but not him personally. Renner looks at you with a face of disgust. He thinks you're being transparently phony but doesn't care enough to argue with you.
you ask David how much he hates Jeremy Renner. David Hasselhoff looks at you and Renner and smiles before saying, "I'll never forgive him for stealing my thunder."
"What?!" Renner says. "That's ridiculous!"
David screams "Hawkeye was suppose to be my break out roll" as he slams into Renner. The two begin to brawl and break things on the set. You yell at them to stop, but they're too caught up in a feud that they can't hear you.
> You begin to yawn.
You are so bored by the pointless violence that you begin to yawn. The other panelists on the panel with you are also yawning and Renner notices this.
you consult the panel, "Would David or Jeremy make a better Hawkeye?"
"Too early to tell," they say in unison.
You propose an archery contest where David and Jeremy must shoot and apple off of your head.  They agree and the contest begins. Renner shoots first and hits dead on. David's apple goes wide and ends up splattering the bottom half of it in the process.
> You congratulate Renner with a kiss on the cheek.
You put your arm around Renner and give him a kiss on the cheek. Renner returns the affection and you end up fooling around for a little bit. You later realize that you've made another mistake.
You release the first episode of "Yawn Talk", which surprisingly has very little talking in it, and you look on Apple Podcasts to see how well it performed.  Your podcast is getting mixed reviews.
"The reviews are in! The first episode of 'Yawn Talk' got 5 star reviews!" you say.
"Sweet!" Wendy says.
The moral of the story: Don't sleep with people you work with.