The year is 6969, what was meant to be the most sexy year in all of human existence, but when David Buttface became President of Earth, all sexual acts were made illegal. The only way people have babies now is through IVF. You are Drake Freeman, an average guy who thinks that sex should be legalized again.
One day while out walking you come across a beautiful young woman being attacked by several creatures. She manages to fight them off for awhile, but eventually one bites her and she begins to lose consciousness.
> You fight off the sex goblins aka Mormons with caffeine and rescue the girl.
You run over to help the girl and you both begin fighting off the sex goblins. They aren't very tough, but they do have sharp teeth so it helps if you can keep up your stamina.
you draw your crowbar and start swinging. One goblin falls to the ground with a broken neck, but more keep coming. You are almost exhausted just from defending yourself, there isn't much time to think about anything else.
> You start shouting "abstinence!" and the sex goblins run away in fear.
After beating up several more of the goblins, they start to realize that you are not going to be intimidated by their cute little chants of "abstinence!"
Then one of them says something that really gets to you. The goblin says, "You are no longer a true man if you continue to hold back! Let go into the glorious pleasure of sex! Or...!" and at this point he holds up a small book.
You see the book is Kamasutra: Sex Bible.
"Or what?" you ask.
The goblin snaps his fingers and two more appear from the shadows.
You snatch the book and begin to read. You see things you've never seen in the Holy Bible before. You start to question your entire and wonder if sex is really as bad as President Buttface has led you believe.
After reading for a good 40 minutes, you get so hot that all you can think about is getting off!
> You the sex goblins lead you to an abandoned sex dungeon. There is a complete collection of Playboy magazines inside a box, but the box is locked.
The goblins lead you to some old abandoned porno theater. They tell you to wait there as they go in and get the box. A few minutes later they return and shove the box at you.
You grab the box without thinking smash it open with your rock hard cock. Just as you do so, Chief FaceButt, chief of the Sex division of the Police, sees you and wants you arrested.
Chief FaceButt runs up to you and begins to handcuff you.
"What are you doing?! This is the most erotic experience of my life!"
you fetishize everything Chief FaceButt does to you. His every move is ecstasy.
"It's illegal to watch this! You are going to jail.
for your crimes you are brought before president ButtFace. He sits in his big throne-like chair, which is called the Buttocks O' Power.
> You argue that sex should be legalized again, and show president ButtFace your Playboy collection.
"Oh, so you have a sex dungeon under your home eh?"
"You like watching gay porn and gay TV shows too?"
"No! I swear to god...!"
"You are a damn liar!"
"I'm not lying! I just like to look at pretty women and things!"
"You call that a woman?
You are show a picture of a French woman who did not shave her arm pits and you can't help yourself. You comment on how attractive you think she is.
"Pretty isn't a word to use about a prostitute's tits."
"What do you mean? I meant...!
You give an impassioned speech to the jury about the positive aspects of having sex and they are moved to tears.
Buttface's face turns red and he sends you to Sex Jail to do hard labor for 2 weeks.
Afterwards, Jennifer tells you that she still wants to break up with you.
Jennifer and you argue so much that she throws away her eggs in a fit of anger.
Your parents find out about your incarceration and they disown you.
Jennifer however is determined to see you again.
She waits around the corner for you in the middle of the day.
You drop trow and go to sex town with Jennifer.
Jennifer wants to turn back, but you refuse saying that you had your first sex experience in Sex Jail and now you are a man.
You decide to go to Jennifer's house.
You and Jennifer have a sex experience at her house. It is awkward and really you are just trying to do everything right now so you can leave. You get out of the house as fast as possible.
You and Jennifer then embrace and kiss each other for a long time.
The moral of the story: If your girlfriend throws your sex toys away, it might be time to let her go.