EP300 #2

Posted under EP300 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Dale Tony, a man with shark teeth. Your main goal is to blow up and then act like you don't know nobody. You are the most dangerous man in town.

The rest of your gang consists of three other men who all have names that sound like they were made by a retard: Mikey, Dandy and Reddy.
You meet with your friend Samuel Picous, a man who does everything suspiciously. He has a tattoo on his arm that looks like it was drawn by someone who had their hand stuck in an electric socket for five minutes.
you plan a grand heist that will surely make you blow up. The plan is as follows:
The store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in case you didn't know. You are all going to go in, use the mopeds to lock the doors from the inside, and then escape with the till.
Dale is the lookout.
you hold up the local "sip'n'suck" tea store. You all ride your mopeds up and down the street, occasionally looking around nervously. Nobody is around.
The man behind the counter smiles at you.
> You direct Reddy to grab the cash from the register.
Reddy walks towards the counter, looking around nervously. Still smiling, he grabs the till and begins to count the cash inside.
you slap the clerk and say "I want the good stuff, where's the rooibos?!" He points to the back, and you say "Thanks".
you all ride your moped out of the parking lot. You stop at a nearby 7/11 and buy a few bottles of water and energy drinks.
> You then you go to the fireworks store to buy fire crackers.
You all get off your bikes and walk into the fireworks store. It is surprisingly empty, being that it's three in the afternoon on a Saturday.
You look at the gigantic firework in the display in the center of the story.  It is nicknamed: "Lady FH." The man looks at you, and says "It's... pretty big."
Mikey walks up to him and says "I'll have that one.
you ask the clerk "What does the FH stand for"? He looks at you with a serious face and says "Forgot Her Name."
Mikey begins laughing. you tell the clerk to shut the fuck up, and Mikey is getting louder.
You decide to steal the Lady FH firework and then take it back your Mom's house.
You grab the firework and run out of the store. Mikey and Reddy begin riding around the parking lot on their mopeds, setting off firecrackers.
> You head to your mom's backyard with the massive firework and strap it to your chest.
You walk into her yard and get to the massive firework, and strap it to your chest. You stand there, smiling, looking at the violent firework in awe.
Suddenly, you have an idea.
You quickly run back to the front yard and hide behind the bush you saw your Mom put in there.
The boom is so loud that it probably damaged your eardrums. "Maybe not," you think.
You then realize that your head has dethatched from your body and that you head has rolled into the front yard.  You friends run to help you, but there is nothing they can do. "But why?" They all wonder.
Your friends livestream your head on the internet social media for days.
You become the most famous head on Tik Tok.
You sleep for the rest of your life.
> You wake up in a hospital. Your mom made the doctors reattach your head. You are mad at your mom.
A couple days later, you wake up in your house again. You don't know what happened exactly, but you remember the firework. You are mad at your mom again.
You look down and see your new body is made up of a strange substance: flesh. You feel your face and it seems to be moving like yours did. Weird.
You get up out of bed, and you realize something: your ceiling is now the floor, for one thing.
> You realize you are now a spiderlike man.
You walk around your room, realizing that you have six eyes on the top of your head, two on each side. You feel around for your mouth, and find a bunch of little teeth inside. Weird.
your mom brings you your dinner, a pile of icky, disgusting flesh inside a small plastic bowl. It's then when you realize you can somehow digest this weird flesh. Weird.
The moral of the story: Don't steal firework explosions, you'll explode and become a weird man with no head.