EP299 #3

Posted under EP299 #3, Story On By Chief

You are nano-machine vampire rat Cory. A hero of the war between vampires and werewolves. Feeling your nano-middle age catching up with you, you decide to set out and tick a quest of your bucket list. Years ago you heard of a mythical cream called Craxil, hidden in a dark and terrifying labyrinth. Your entire life has been building up to obtaining it for yourself. Before you set off on your journey, you take the following ten adventuring items with you:

A sword that looks like it was made from some sort of metal that is hard as steel but can cut through anything. It's blade seems to be made of a strange substance that glows when struck by sunlight.

A dagger that looks like it was made from some sort of wood that is hard as stone but can cut through anything. Its blade seems to be made of a strange substance that glows when struck by sunlight.

An ornate silver ring that looks like it was made from some sort of gold but can cut through anything. Its blade seems to be made of a strange substance that glows when struck by sunlight.
A pack of cigarettes that look like they are made from some sort of plant that is hard as paper but can get you high as anything. They also contain a strange black liquid. Swigging down a few of these and putting the container in your pack of belongings, will give you an extra edge.
You smoke a cigarette to relax before your journey.
You find yourself staring down a seemingly bottomless pit.
You look for a way to climb down the pit safely and see a rope conveniently laying by a corpse.
You put on the rope and lower yourself down the edge of the pit.
You see a long hallway branching off to the right and a seemingly endless door on the left.
> You use your sword to cut through the door.
You unsheath your sword and start hacking at the door. You put all your strength into it but the door remains intact. After a while you notice that some of the wood around the lock is starting to splinter.
you start to feel stressed and smoke another cigarette. You then try the dagger on the door. You put all your strength into stabbing the handle and the blade goes through easily, although the door doesn't even move an inch.
You notice that the wood around the lock is almost completely broken.
You pull out your  SWORD WARRANTY card and read: "While most of the wood around this lock is splintered, a skilled locksmith could easily sever the bottom bolt with a hacksaw in under a minute."
Jason, a charismatic thief who took all of your cigarettes, shows himself and tells you he can easily open the door for you... for a price.
You ponder what kind of price he could ask for.
you appeal to Jason's Thief instinct and tell him untold riches lie beyond the door. He's more than willing to take you up on that offer.
"Nah, I don't want to fuck with the law," he says. "Just give me your sword."
You give Jason your clearly broken sword and he opens the door for you.  Inside you see a pedestal with moonstone necklace that grants the wearer control over gravity.  The room seems to have been set up just for you.
You notice a small box with a red button. Something about it seems ominous.
> You press the button and brace yourself.
You look at the box. There is no visible door or keyhole anywhere on it. You press the button and... nothing at all happens.
You start to get a little nervous.
you slam on the button over and over again. Still, nothing happens. You notice there are small scratches on the button... from where your fingernails have grown.
You start to feel a little dizzy and fall to the ground.
you aren't sure what is happening to you, you turn to Jason and he has aged into a skeleton. You recollect your cigarettes and smoke one, but not because you NEED it. You just feel more comfortable doing so.
Suddenly, a portal opens up in front of you and you hear an all too familiar voice.
"Hello traveller. You got the moonstone, didn't you?"
> You panic and throw the moonstone into the portal!
You hold your hand out to stop him from stepping through and quickly look around. You don't see a thing. There is no evidence that he's even here. But there's no mistaking his presence.
You hear a cough and through your ring towards the sound.  This slices the mans face, who reveals himself to be Dr Reindrob. He's not a tall man, but his presence is imposing. His black attire makes his figure seem even more darkly comical.
"So.... you chose to take the path of evil, then?"
"You saw my student. A boy so young and yet so full of hate and anger.
The moral of the story: don't let children take your cigarettes. They're not really ment to be taken.