EP298 #1

Posted under EP298 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Tony, a streamer living in the year 2021. After years of speculation, Avril Lavigne reveals on her Twitter that you are the one that made things "so complicated" all those years ago. Her vengeful fans immediately seek you out and attempt to murder you! Your only hope is to find Avril and set things right, but it's gonna be... complicated!

A story about love, loss, revenge and the power of music.
> You say "Tell me Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated? ‘Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated In the bathroom ... I sit and I wait and I strain And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated? "

The game begins with you standing in front of a mirror looking at yourself. You look like an average guy, except for your large bulge in the back of your pants. A small knife sits next to it.
You see Avril is doing a show at Pine Knob and decide to buy VIP Meet & Greet tickets so you can talk to her about things. You quickly change from your work clothes into something fancier and hop on a bus.
About halfway there, you receive a text message from your boss.
The text message from your boss says:
Mr. Dreamweaver: Hey did you get the order?
You: Yup
Mr. Dreamweaver: Good, be at the office at oh five thirty.
You: Okay
Mr. Dreamweaver is a music industry guy that decided to manage you because he thought you had big potential.
> You arrive at the concert and sneak backstage to see Avril.
Upon your arrival, you find a long line. You decide to just wait to get in, that way you can save the tickets for later.
Eventually, the doors open and people start rushing in.
You see Avril walking backstage and throw a copy of Brother Act 2: back in the rabbit starring Tobey Maguire and you.
You run up to her and say:
You: I really like your music, can I get a picture with you?
Her: Um okay sure
You: Thanks!
Avril Lavigne recognizes you, but she is pretending not to know you.  You take a picture with her.
You: Thanks for doing this!
Her: No problem, I want to meet everyone that is a fan of mine. By the way, what's your name?
You sigh dejectedly and see Tobey McGuire, holding a bowl of guacamole, stole up and give Avril a kiss on the cheek.
Tobey: Just keep walking.
You: Bye!
Tobey: We'll be coming back for you Avril.
> You take the knife out of your pocket and stab the guacamole repeatedly.
The bowl of guacamole is mysteriously delicious to you as you stab it repeatedly with your knife and begin to hear strange and muffled screaming sounds coming from the bowl.
you offer some guacamole to Avril off the end of your knife.
You: Want some guacamole off my knife?
She: ew no!
You stab the guacamole repeatedly, and begin to hear strange and muffled screams coming from the bowl.
Tobey Maguire pulls the bowl away from you and explains that his soul lives in there.  He then proceeds to take a bite out of it.
You pull away from him and run off into the night.
You go home early and try to cry yourself to sleep, but when you get into bed you start to hear voices.
Tobey: Avril, do you like it big or small?
Avril: What's it to you?
> You listen to Tobey make love to Avril through the guacamole ether.
The next day you wake Toby Maguire is in your room.
Toby: Get up, we're going to the show.
You: No, I'm going to sleep.
You roll over and see Avirl and she tells you, "Get up, it's show day!
> You accuse Tobey of violating the bro code.
You: You're a creep. Get out of here.
He: Just because you haven't been invited to all my parties doesn't mean I don't have one.
You hear a toilet flush and see Anvil Latrine, the anti-avril, walk out.
Anvil: Hey now, you can't blame a guy for trying.
You: What do you want?
He: Just thought you should know, lots of people want to meet you.
You: Bullshit. Everyone that wanted to meet me has already met me.
> You say "I know you have a small dick and you're self-conscious about it"
He: Yea well get over it.
You: Hm, what if I refuse to leave until you give me a real reason why I should leave?
He: (Sighs) Fine. I was a star athlete in high school and people thought I had potential.
The moral of the storY: You should never judge a book by its cover.
You: Hey, did you know that despite being a complete dweeby nerd in high school, you could have been a professional athlete if you tried hard enough?