EP296 #2

Posted under EP296 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Roger, a guy who is supposed to do his laundry and throw out the trash. However, you threw your laundry in the garbage can by mistake. You grab your bag of trash and take it to the laundromat.

The owner tells you that he will have to charge you for this mistake.
you try to play it off that you actually wear garbage and you shouldn't be overcharged. The owner says no way! He will just charge you for the clothes that were thrown away.

what should you do?
you don your garbage clothes and say "Ive never been so offended" and storm out of the laundromat. the owner then laughs and gives you your money back. hahahaha
you run out of the laundromat "lets go!!"
"Hold on, there is no hurry." the owner says. You are a little angry now. you think that his way of dealing with the situation was extremely disrespectful. you say so and tell him to put all the clothes back in the wash. "Oh, sorry about that. You did save me time though."
you are a little surprised and say "what???
The laundromat owner reveals himself to be Rupert Penderson, fourth Earl of Cumberland.  "I had a feeling I had seen you before...I could tell by your arrogant demeanor and haughty expression that I had seen you before. Where have I seen you before?"
You have no idea.
you exclaim "Your washing machines turned my clothes into garbage! I demand restitution!!!!!"
"Now now, no need to get so upset. No harm done." Rupert says.
> You say "I demand free lifetime laundry!"
You say "I want free laundry forever! You cannot charge me a single penny for it!"
Rupert laughs and says "Well, I can understand your frustration. I'm sorry about that. I'll give you a discount though."
you say "Fine, but only because I actually do need some new clothes."
Rupert laughs again and says "Honey, you could wear the same outfit for a week and not get tired of it.
Jason, a guy who took your X-Men t-shirt out of the trash and put it on, says, "Ooooooh burn!"
Rupert notices this and says "Hey, I'm still in the business of selling fire. Don't pass go, don't collect $200."
you suspect that Rupert has a vendetta against you. You try to recall where you've met him before: It must have been at some fancy party or something.
Rupert approaches you, "So do you want a job or what?"
You are taken back by this and say "Huh?
> You say "What's the job?"
"Oh, I have to kill you."
you say "how much does it pay?"
Rupert explains that you will receive a small sum of money (Enough to buy one extra tank of gas in your car) "and afterwards, nobody will be able to find your body.
You hesitantly agree and setup to play the most dangerous game. You hope you don't get too mad at this old man.
The game begins and it doesn't take long for the other teams to catch on to what you are doing.
you hear the whirring of helicopter blades as Rupert crests the horizon and he announces over a loud speaker "You have 1 minute to arm yourselves and hide. Let the hungry games BEGIN!"
he shoots out of the sky and slams right into the ground. This is rare as landing on the ground is very difficult for a flying creature. The mutants must have built up strength to do it.
Rupert charges at an unnatural speed, his trash bags flowing in the wind.  You hide behind a tree and pray he does not find you.
whump whump whump
The mutant hoppers are pounding away at the other base. You are surprised to hear that this is only the second time they have attempted it.
WHUMP! The hoppers grow closer. "WE CAN SMELL YOUUUUUUU!" WHUMP!
You sprint to the nearest tree and pull yourself up. You are going to have to hide amongst these mutants for an eternity if you want to survive.
You lean back against a solid tree trunk and wait...and wait...and wait....
Nothing happens. "Where the hell are they?" you mutter to yourself.
Suddenly, out of nowhere a fist comes and rams into your chest.
You look down and see Rupert has pulled your heart out of your chest and thrown it in the garbage.
You stare at him in disbelief.
"What the hell are you doing? I need it for my sandwiches!" he says.
You suddenly realize what he did and fall to your knees.
The moral of the story: "Never feed a grue."