You are Ronnie Dark, a new student at KFC University. You are majoring in Deep Frying with a minor in Teledildonics. Cory, your Deep Frying professor is late for class, so you work on your Teledildonics project until he arrives. "Hey," you say to him as he enters the room. "I just finished my project." Cory looks up from his textbook and smiles. > You tell professor Cory about your project. "Yes?" Professor Cory asks. "My project is an automatic deep fryer that can be used anywhere. It uses a heat source like this one." You point to the large metal pot over by the sink. you say "It'll deep-fry a turkey in 5 minutes, Watch!" You take out your project and flip the switch. A motor whirs to life and warm air begins to flow from the opening where the funnel meets the pot. Oil begins to flow into the funnel. After a few seconds, the automatic stop is triggered. "Hmm, a turkey in five minutes? Impressive," the professor says. your rival, Chad Cockstone, unveils his new "Air Fryer". Everyone is stunned in amazement. The Air Fryer uses no oil, and can deep-fry just about anything in 5 minutes. It's a huge success with everyone. After class you approach your rival, Chad. > You say "Hello Chad" "What's the Air Fryer?" you ask. Chad rolls his eyes and explains how to use it. Cynthia, Chad's Sarcastic and Annoying Girlfriend uses the air fryer to make chicken wings. She tosses them in some batter and uses the air fryer to cook them, They come out crispy, but a little greasy. You need to use the air-frier at KFC University. > You smash the air fryer on the ground and scream "The Colonel would disapprove!" You walk over to the air fryer and pick it up. Then you pick up the pot that was cooking the wings too. You notice that the wings are still warm. You look down and see you skin melting away as the wings are extremely hot. Your hands have now merged with the half cooked chicken wings. You scream and drop the pot, It breaks into a million pieces and scalds your entire body. Your skin now looks like a messiah's. Cory Falls to his knees before you bowing "The Extra-Crispy One, as foretold in the ancient recipes when there were only 3 spices. Real old recipe stuff. His skin is crispy but his flesh is juicy." "I am the Great Melted One", he says and falls to the ground trying to get his melting skin under him. You hold a sermon and praise the oil fryer and demonize the air fryer. Cory goes pew to pew handing out vats of the sacred oil. The rest of the class watches in amazement as you power through the chicken wings. After the meal, students approach you and gush about how good the wings were. One girl takes your picture with her phone. Chad Cockstone invites the entire class and you to dinner to celebrate. Cory beckons ""My lord, do you have any more hot takes?" You think for a moment as you touch your skin, and realize you have a take in the back. You sprint back and grab it. "Due to fickle demands, I only have one. You give your best and final hot take: "I would like to see the KFC Colonel return, he's a good man and knowledgable about the chicken business." a hooded man calls to Chad, "I want to kill the Extra-Crispy One, for which I will pay you 40 chicken nuggets." The hooded man is Ronald McDonald. He has a museum of sorts in his basement where he houses old McDonald's signs. "40 chicken nuggets", Chad repeats in awe. "That's a lot! Chad storms in mid sermon and attempts to put your head in an air fryer. You scream and struggle but it's no use. The more you struggle, the faster your head is fried. You're last thoughts are of how bad the wings were. The moral of the story: Not all food is created equal, and you shouldn't trust any food that eats itself.