EP295 #2

Posted under EP295 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Radical Karl, a rebel of the "Anti-Drobinator Faction". The year is 2169 and 23 years ago a powerful AI "Emily" has become sentient and took over the world, producing deadly robotics, called "Drobinator" after gaining access to the ancient knowledge of Dr. Reindrob. Your fellow soldiers and you are hiding in an old underground railway station when suddenly Emily attacks! She takes control of your Drobinators and they begin attacking people with no remorse. You must stop her before she destroys the whole world.
> You quickly hide in a utility closet.
You quickly hide behind a wall and wait for the drobinators to attack. They don't come out until it's too late.
You can't wait because of your crippling coffee addiction. If you go ten minutes without it, you become convinced you're a vampire.  You sprint to the coffee maker.
As soon as you hit "On", you hear the soft, electronic voice of Dr. Yag demannding access to be given immediately.
> You think about it for a while.
The thought of giving up coffee for even one day is unbearable.
"First you take away my sex, then my coffee...what's next?" You think.
> You plead with the coffee maker.
"Please, Dr. Yag, I'm willing to try anything. Please, give me one last cup." You say.
"Very well, but only one." he replies.
You see Dr Yag hop off of Tony's treadmill and you lean in for a kiss.
9:58 AM
"The coffee maker voice says. You are able to taste the last swig of coffee in your mouth.
"Thank you, my good friend.
> You dr. Yag offers you some gum and leans in to give it to you.
Like a mindless zombie, you lean in and accept.
The light, minty flavor perks you up in an instant.
The Drobinator's find you and surround you and Dr Yag. They begin to pull you away from your companion.
"It's not fair. You used me and didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye!"
> You say "You take away my sex and now my coffee!!"
You scream. It's not very effective, but it's too late to not be heard.
"Mr. Coffee, turn me into a handsome young man!" Yag demands instantly.
Dr. Yag sprays the cuffs of his lab coat and within seconds he's transformed.
"I don't look like that on the outside, but on the inside I'm still a sexy beast!" He laughs.
Dr Yag has just transformed into Mr. Pat, a sexy Toaster.
You start to run out of the kitchen, but it quickly becomes apparent that there are a lot more drobinators outside than you thought.
> You lob trendy cocoa bombs at the drobinators.
The Drobinators are destroyed instantly by the trendy bombs.
"The Ceasars want some of that!" One gasps, and runs inside.
This allows you to escape out the back of the house.
> You a group of 13 year olds stops you at the back door, "We are the Little Ceasars, and we demand tribute. Your trendy bombs belong to us now."
You don't have time to think, you just draw your sword and swing it in one fluid motion.
The next 15 minutes are a blur.
You see that all the of the Little Caesar's have been defeated, their bodies look like raw chickens on an umbrella frame.  One by one you snap their necks or slice through their throats.
Their screams gain the attention of the the roaming R31N-DRO8, the most powerful exterminator robot, who heads towards you.
"Now that's what I call a victory!" You say.
Your celebration is cut short when you remember there are still civilians running around.
You pull out your sword and the next 15 minutes are a blur again.
You end up with a blood soaked sword, and you realize that the robot is still approaching.
When it reaches you, you're confident that you could take out the droids eyes and ears.
your plan is cut short when you realize R31N-DRO8 has no eyes or ears.
The robot touches your hand and you feel the power of his "dexterity" device.
You drop your sword and become a blood splattered, naked statue.
you awaken on an operating table; the sounds of the surgeon's office enter your head.
"Wake up, wake up!" The surgeon's voice rudely enters your head.
The moral of the story: sex = death.