EP295 #1

Posted under EP295 #1, Story On By Chief

You are the Dildoneer, a special mechanic who can make anything out of dildos. Everyone fears you, as the smell of burning latex follows you everywhere. You're working on a special dildo deathwalker when the President of the United States comes in to see you.

"I heard about your new invention! I want one too!" he says while holding up his hand and pointing at the device.
Jeff, the person at Twitter who decided to permanently suspend Donald Trump's account walks into the room and says "Oh no, it looks like we have another problem."

The President of the United States holds up his hands and says "No, I don't think so. It's just a regular dildo."
> You activate the dildo deathwalker and test it out.
You hit the button, and nothing happens. "Hmm, well that doesn't seem very dildo-ey." You say.
"Well what do we have here?"
> You install the batteries and try again.
You put the batteries in and hit the button, and nothing happens.
"What the hell? The batteries are in correctly, it's not getting power..."
Suddenly, a trap door opens up under you.
You fall through the trap door and into a room filled with papers.  You go to the computer in the room and see a file full of scandalous photos of the president. You immediately send out a tweet that reads "Barbara Boxer is a dirty whore who sucks cock like a Hoover."
You immediately begin to get attacked on Twitter.
> You read the top ten mean Tweets attacking you:.
You try to ignore the abuse and log off, but then the Dildo Deathwalker starts beeping.
"What the hell?"
You see the Dildo Deathwalker has been sabotaged and Barbara Boxer has left her calling card: A dildo shaped hole in your ceiling.
You quickly send a tweet that says "Barbara Boxer is trying to kill me, call the Secret Service."
The Secret Service rushes in and tackles to protect you.  You're brought up to make a statement, but you know it will do no good. You're just one of the many people the Dildo Deathwalker targeted.
> You convince the president you can shut down the malfunctioning Deathwalker.
The president is convinced, so he sends you to go get it.
You rush into the room with the trap door further down it.
You open a secret compartment on the president's desk and see a set of presidential themed sex toys, such as: A rubber hand, a rubber dog, a rubber unicorn, and of course a large presidential dildo.
You grab the presidential themed sex toys and rush out of the room.
You take the toys to the room with the rampaging Dildo Deathwalker.  You see Barbara Boxer riding it and scary all the White House staff.  She is distracted, so you are able to sneak up behind her and ram the presidential dildo into her back and hole.
Barbara goes flying forward off the Deathwalker, and you quickly get out of the way as it beeps and runs over her.
> You convert the rubber dog into a sex bomb and shove it up the deathwalker's rear exhaust vent. You say,  "Suck this into your cornhole, you contemptuous tramp!"
You run out of the room and into the main Oval Office. The deathwalker begins beeping, going from a slow, medium fast beep to a fast beep.
The deathwalker explodes.
"OH SHIT!" you say.
The deathwalker is sending a powerful explosive blast through the end of its exhaust vent directly at the White House chief of staff's face.
Barbara Boxer is incinerated. The Deathwalker did it again.
The moral of the story: Don't piss off a death robot.