EP292 #3

Posted under EP292 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Jackie Treehorn, a man who cannot resist drawing dicks. After a years-long legal battle, the day has finally come to finalize your divorce. Since you're a wealthy "film" producer, there's a ton of extra paperwork that needs to be signed in addition to the usual divorce documents. You can't resist adding your signature embellishments to every page.

"I don't care what you do with your life, but I'm not signing anything that says "Jackie Treehorn" on it!" you say angrily as you begin to type furiously.

"What? What did I sign?"

"Nothing! Just get me out of here."

> You and your ex-wife go out to lunch to celebrate your divorce.
You and your ex-wife go out to lunch to celebrate your divorce. You pick a restaurant that's pretty close to the court building and order drinks.
"Aren't you drinking a bit early?"
says Tony, a huge fan of your "films".
"I guess," you say.
"Oh, look at the time," says Melina. "We should get going."
You drive in silence to the restaurant.
> You say "How 'bout that divorce eh?"
"How 'bout that divorce eh?" you say.
"Yeah," Melina replies.
"I guess I'll be moving out soon," you say.
"Yup," Melina replies.
> You say "We should probably talk about who gets custody of the kids. "
"We should probably talk about who gets custody of the kids," you say.
"I don't think we need to worry about that," Melina replies.
"Oh. That's good I guess."
You pack the essentials: a blessed tome of perfect anatomical dick drawing, your lube, and your finest sleep wear.  You spend the night the night at a hotel. The next day, you meet your ex-wife to discuss the terms of your divorce. She's wearing a low-cut blouse.
"Do you like it?" she asks flirtatiously.
> You continue to mindlessly stare at her tits.
You continue to mindlessly stare at her tits. She giggles.
"I guess you like them," she says.
Your wife goes to the bathroom and you slip her some Funky Cold Medina. Then you have sex in the back seat of her car.
"I'll miss you," she says to you as you finish up.
"You're my muse,"
he tome has taught you the following 10 secrets to perfect dick drawing, you have followed ever since:  1. Don't aim for perfection, aim for simplicity 2. Stay inside the lines 3. Go slow when you're nervous 4. Size doesn't matter, texture does 5. Always be smooth with the ladies 6. When in doubt, go back to rule #1 7. Go crazy with the colors 8. Always lube first 9. Don't be afraid to blend colors 10. Always finish what you start
You have done a perfect drawing of Dick Johnson's member in crayon.
There is a knock on the window of her car. It is your son, Richard.  You quickly attempt to adjust your robe, realizing you are naked.
"Daddy! I saw you," he says in a horrified tone.
"No, you didn't!" You shout.
"I did!"
Melina comes out of the bathroom.
"What's going on out here?" she says. "I can hear you two shouting inside."
"Daddy's a pervert!"
"Shut up, Richard."
You drive home and park the car in the driveway.
"I'm gonna tell mom!" your son shouts as he runs towards the house.
"Don't you dare!" Melina says.
> You stare at Melina's new tits.
You stare at Melina's new tits. They are very large and protrude out of her top.
"Stop staring or I'll slap you," says Melina. "I'm serious.
You keep staring at her tits and level up to gain the following sex skills: Evil Eye, Manipulate, Mindfuck, Seduction, and Super Sexy Look
Melina slaps you in the face.
"Don't you have work to do?" she asks.
"I do,"
> You say "You don't realize that I have just acquired new powers."
"What?" asks Melina.
"I acquired some new sex skills," you say.
"Lucky you," Melina says sarcastically. "So what are they?"
> You give you a super sexy look of seduction.
"You don't need to know what they are," you say with a wink.
Melina turns red and frowns at you.
"Whatever," she says. "I've got to go."
> You give Melina the Evil Eye.
Melina begins to shiver and is clearly uncomfortable.
"What the fuck are you doing?" she asks.
"Giving you the Evil Eye," you say.
"I feel cold. I'm going home,"
> You lean in to kiss her and ask her "Shall we mindfuck?"
You lean in to kiss her and question what sex skills you have acquired.
"Shall we Mindfuck?" you ask.
"I guess," she says turning to you.
She leans in and kisses you passionately. You have acquired the sex skill, Mindfuck.
You stare into her eyes and begin to manipulate her mind.
You see a disturbing image in Melina's mind: a pentagram with blood surrounding it.
"Come to the crossroads tonight. You know you want to make a deal with the devil," the devil says to her in her mind.
"Yes, master,"
The immoral of the story: Don't become addicted to Funky Cold Medinas.