EP290 #3

Posted under EP290 #3, Story On By Chief

You are Jack Stone, a man who is a amateur superhero named 'Poison Breath'. You are trying to take down the evil Car air Freshener Company "clum Fresh" that is owned by the evil clown Bonky. The car fresheners are releasing toxic gas into the atmosphere and you need to stop them before they cause an explosion in your town.
You schedule a meeting with Bonky in his office where he is busy doing something else. He sees you and calls out to you.
"Hey Poison Breath! Come on let's go!"
> You confront Bonky about his evil ways.
You confront him but he is very stubborn and refuses to listen to you.
"I'm not going anywhere with you!"
He sprays cologne into your eyes, blinding you.
> You blast Bonky with your poison breath. as Bonky reels from the stink, Dick Long,Veteran Superhero who wants to hire you as his sidekick, comes crashing through a skylight.
He doesn't see you in the shadows, and Bonky's guards shoot him dead with their laser rifles.
"Your plan has failed," the clown taunts you.
> You ask the guard, "what is the battery capacity of your laser rifle?"
The guards answer you and you quickly write down the numbers in your notebook.
You escape Bonky's office by jumping out the window and using your poison breath to fly through the air.
You were able to get away and you're home now. You think about what happened.
You decide the only thing you can do is to expose Car Freshner's illegal activities to the public.
you are listening to your CB radio when an APB goes out for Tony, a deep, manly man who's wanted for shooting Hawkeye. You see Tony run into a megamart.
You go in after him.
The man behind the CB radio says, "He's not armed folks!"
You see him run into linestock. He's about to enter the men's room!
> You tony sits on the toilet and discharges his ass cannon.
You shoot him with your Poisonous Farts. He slumps over and dies. You exit the restroom and see a small boy who has wandered away from his mother.
You approach him from behind...
You grab the boy and pull him into a nearby office.
> You try to talk the boy out of a life of crime.
You try to convince the boy that it's not too late for him. He will listen, but the police will come before he leaves.
The boy says, "Help me escape from the cops."
> You frame the boy for murder.
The boy is framed for murder and you'll never be able to turn him from a life of crime if he goes to prison.
You've failed.
"Thanks for playing," the narrator says.
you visit the boy in prison. You try to talk him out of his criminal behavior. He listens, but he goes back to it because he has to provide for his family.
You've failed.
"Thanks for playing," the narrator says.
you visit the boy in prison.
You sneak a file into a cake that you deliver to the boy in prison so he can escape. The boy escapes, but is killed when he tries to scale the prison wall.
You've failed.
You attend the boys funeral.
The boy's mother notices you.
You approach the woman who is sitting alone and surrounded by photographs of her son.
You ask her how she feels about what happened.
"What do you think?"
> You pull at collar and feel awkward. Then you ask the mom out on a date.
"What? Get away from me, you animal."
You stare at her in silence.
"You know what you are? You're pathetic."
> You knock over the boy's coffin in anger.
You jump into the coffin and pull out your shotgun.
You fire shot after shot of hot lead into the crowd until you run out of bullets.
> You realize the coffin is empty.
Luckily, you were never in the coffin. The entire time you were hiding under it.
You try to go home, but a cop stops you. "You killed someone," he says.
You look up and see it's the boy.
"Why did you shoot me?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you were a zombie."
The boy looks up at the sky and realizes he's dead. He screams in terror.
> You say "Hahahahahahaha"
You laugh at the boy. He pulls you into the ground and you both die. You lose.
you put the shotgun down. The boy thanks you and goes on to live a happy life. You win!
The moral of the story: You're a nice guy.