EP290 #2

Posted under EP290 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Barty McGuy, an unlucky teenager that likes skateboarding. You have accidentally traveled 30 years back in time to 1989. During your quest to get back to the future, you accidentally put into motion a series of events that will erase you from existence! However, you manage to set things right by playing old music from your "high-tech tape recorder" at your parents' prom. An incredible feeling of relief washes over you! You get so excited you decide to play one more song. You plug in the AUX cable and introduce those boomers to some Baby Shark!

The music stops abruptly as you hear a voice coming through the speakers: "This program is currently not supported on this computer." The screen goes black. Your heart sinks when you realize what has happened.
This is what has happened:
Your high-tech tape recorder had been hacked by a hacker who managed to change the music itself. He then changed the lyrics too, making it sound like he was singing about you instead of his own prom date.
You look into the audience and see the hacker is Tony, a teenager who likes sneaking into R-rated films, despite his legal guardian, Jason, telling him not to do that. After you leave to go back in time, he will sneak into a theater and be brutally stabbed to death by an irate father after he's caught touching himself.
You approach Tony and warn him not to go to the movies this weekend. He agrees, and you race home to get back to your time machine.
You no longer have a time machine! It had been destroyed by the power of music. But not just any music--80's music.
Back to the future, you Google and search for Tony who has his addressed prominently posted on his web zone.  You rush to his place to see Future Tony.
But he's not there.
You then go to the past only to find he never existed! In fact, your house doesn't exist anymore.
You realize something went wrong in the past before you came back to the future before going much further into the past before the future. You must stop this before you erase yourself from existence.
You finally find Tony in his own time machine, you run up to him and say, "I'm from the future! Do exactly as I say:  don't go to the movie theater this weekend or you will die!
Tony does not listen to you, he really wants to see this new Whoopi Goldberg movie.  You have to do something! It's the only way he will listen to you.
You realize you have no choice, it's time to play some music...
> You play 80's music and break Tony's time machine! hahahaha.

You smoke several cigarettes nervously before you can finally muster up the courage to play music. You go back to 1989 and wait outside the movie theater for a few hours.
Tony appears and you play for favorites 80s rock ballad: "Take my Breath Away" by Berlin.
The song reaches its crescendo, as you see the young teenager clutching his chest and collapsing on the floor. You rush to his side and check for a pulse.
> You perform CPR on the young teenager. During the CPR, Tony leans in for a kiss with some tongue. "you sure took my breath away"
You take a break from straight sex to express your feelings through interpretive dance. The Carpenters' "Merry Christmas, Darling"
> You dance like you've never danced before.
The song ends, and you rush to the side of the teenager. You check for a pulse. He's dead. In fact, he's been dead for decades.
The moral of the story: time travel is not possible. Just ask Bill Murray or Donnie Darko.