EP289 #1

Posted under EP289 #1, Story On By Chief

You are Harriet, a horse dairy rancher. You spend every day milking your horses. It's hard, due to horses not making much milk, but you persevere. One day a man in a lab coat approaches you with a proposition. He says, "I want to make a drug that will allow me to turn into any animal I wish."

"What?" you ask.

"Well, like turning into a werewolf or something," he replies.
You point to the field and say, "Those are stallions.  I can make a potion to turn you into those.  Also pretty sure werewolves aren't real." 

The man looks at you for a moment before replying, "No! I mean... what if I wanted to become a unicorn? Or a phoenix?"

"That would be ridiculous!" you reply.
The man finally introduces himself as Sam Horseman, a Rich poop scooper who wants to buy your Horses so he can milk them for their Hum. You think he's crazy, but his offer is so much you agree to it.
He takes your horses and you are left with nothing. Nothing except a bunch of horse milk.
> You turn the horse milk into horse butter. You try selling your new "Hutter" at the farmers market.
You set up at the farmers market, and try to sell your horse buttermilk. Sadly, people aren't interested in drinking milk that tastes like cow's milk.
You add a strawberry flavor to your horse milk.  The people love it. It sells well at the farmers market, and eventually you open up a Hutter Hut in town.
Jason, a guy who wants all the "Hutter" you have, is your first customer and buys out your entire supply. For this reason, you decide to sell your horse butter under the brand "Hutter Hutt". 
Everyone in town seems to enjoy your product.
some men in suits arrive with a a weird goat that poops real gold nuggets, but also screams loudly every time he poops. They offer to buy your "Hutter Hutt" for a generous pile of golden poop nuggets. They even throw in the goat, which you later name "Quiti". 
You are done selling horse butters, until you get an idea to sell a more... "convenient" form of horse milk.
Just then the goat screams wildly and you see the goat excrete a brick of pure gold from it's ass. you realize that the goat is valuable too.
You use the gold brick to buy yourself an Christmas present: a pink and purple pet Rockhopper Penguin called Zoop.
You open up a petting zoo. The goat excretes bricks of pure gold which you sell. You get rich.
You take the goat to the veterinarian for a health check up. The goat is given a clean bill of health, and you are paid a brick of gold.
The next day, you are visited by the same two men in suits from yesterday. "We have come to take the goat back" they say. You refuse. They draw guns and shoot you with silvershots. It is a violent death. 
Your last thought before death is: "Fuck".
as you begin to bleed out you transform into a werewolf. Your milk is delicious.
You push the limits of the system, and you get fucked by the system, as if you were in a relationship with it.
The moral of the story: The system will always fuck you.