EP288 #3

Posted under EP288 #3, Story On By Chief

You go by the hero name 'Tonedeaf', your real name is Tony Bologna.
You have decided to apply for a job as a Justice League member.
Your powers include the following:
Manipulation of the color spectrum.
Manipulation of all things sound-based.
Voice mimicry.
Enhancement of someone's singing and rapping skills.
The ability to produce any high pitched or low pitched frequency by opening your mouth and squeaking.
The ability to produce Shepard tones, which can create a random illusion which relates to the person you've used it on.
The ability to manipulate taste.
The ability to manipulate hearing, smell, touch, and sight.
The ability to manipulate motor skills and muscle memory.
The ability to make people blind.
The ability to manipulate light and darkness.
The ability to control insects and other small animals.
The ability to cause fires, earthquakes, floods, winds, and much more.
> You answer a help wanted ad to drive all the rats of the city of Placeburg.
You decide that since you're not going to be able to do anything useful in this world anymore, you might as well enjoy yourself while you can.
> You produce a high pitched squeak by leading the rats to a community wellness center where you give them fulfilling lives within the community.
You begin to take the squeaking noises you can make, and make it into music. Your squeaking symphonies are seen as insightful masterpieces and you receive much praise for it.
You halt your pursuit of justice and attempt start a music career.  You choose the music genre of: "Squeaking"
You become the best Squeakjazz artist in the world, squeaking out sounds of pure genius.
Your newfound success leads you to forget your old mission to serve justice.
> You are performing at a Squeakjazz club one night when you look into the audience and see.
You look into the crowd and see a moving figure. It is the dark figure you saw when you first got your powers in the alley way.
It's the Pied Piper of Hamelin, suing you for illegal rat manipulation.
You attempt to use your sound waves to smash the Piper, but he ducks and avoids them all. He then takes his flute out of his pocket and begins to play a song.
You feel an urge to follow the Piper, knowing that it would be best to your career if you did so.
You awkwardly try to exit out of the chimney and fall.
> You fight back against the Pied Piper by manipulating his sense of taste.
You decide to give it your all and try to use all of your powers at once.
You produce a high-pitched screech and the rats go flying out of the window because of how loud it is.
Using all your powers creates an immense disturbance in the universe that attracts the attentions of the Justice League who burst in with their superpowers and attempt to take you into custody.
Keep in mind that the Pied Piper is still there, using his flute to make you want to follow him.
> You use your powers to whisper in the Pied Pipers ear in a sexy way.
You whisper in the Pied Pipers ear in a sexy way, and he begins to feel attracted to you.
As the Pied Piper approaches, you make him blind, and leave the Justice League wondering why their powers don't work on you.
The Pied Piper's flute falls to the ground and breaks.
You ask Superman, "Can I join the Justice League now?"  Superman says, "No," but your manipulate the sound for the rest of the Justice League to make it sound like he said, "Yes." with a lisp.
Pleased with your new, more powerful position in Justice League, you begin to laugh at the Pied Piper, who has no idea how you tricked him.
you use your powers for petty vengeance and make everyone around you sound like total losers with your voice manipulation.
You also go into politics and become the mayor of your city.
You have no experience, however you win the people over with your amazing squeakjazz.
You use your sound manipulation powers to help the world.
You write a new squeakjazz song entitled: "Why my decisions are the best for everyone."
It goes double platinum, and you win the Nobel Peace prize.
> You begin your acceptance speech for the Nobel peace prize by saying:.
"Hello, I have been awarded the nobel peace prize. Thank you."
Everyone in the audience stands up and begins to clap... Except for one man.
The man in the middle of the second row has a frown on his face. He is unimpressed by your success.
That man is Adolf Hitler, and he isn't clapping for you.
The moral of the story: Always be a better person than Adolf Hitler.