EP288 #1

Posted under EP288 #1, Story On By Chief

You are the Dragonborn, hero of Skyrim. Someone has stolen your sweet roll!! You know the guards of Whiterun won't help you, so you must take matters into your own hands! However, you have the following three side quests you really want to finish first:The Thieves Guild questline is a little more complicated than that, but it's not too bad. I suggest you complete both the Dark Brotherhood and the College quests before tackling this one.
> You start your journey by robbing the townsfolk of all their pottery.
"I'll rob them blind!" you say aloud as you set off down the road with your horse.

As you ride along, you notice several people walking around in the village of Rorikstead.
One of them is Harry Snotter, Mage College junkie.
Another is Olfin, who owns the local pottery in the village.
You also see a Breton woman screaming at her toddler son who is on the verge of tears.
"Give it back!" she yells at the boy.
However, the toddler is now screaming at her, "Mommy stupid!"
You slow your horse and consider whether or not to rob them all.
> You begin to cast a calm spell on the child, but in your novice attempt it is actually a fury spell.
The toddler's eyes turn red and he suddenly goes into a frenzy of howling and biting.
The people of Rorikstead begin to scream with terror and you quickly ride away on your horse.
You find a bucket to put over shopkeeper's heads so you can steal everything.   You see your sweet roll in the backroom of the shop, and the door quickly slams shut when they notice you looking. You walk away from the shop, not willing to risk your life for a sweet roll.
> You ask Harry Snotter to cause a diversion for you in the shop so you can sneak to your sweet roll. Harry agrees for a few lines of Frost Salts.
"Alright," Harry says as he walks into the shop, "Give us your most expensive bottle of spirits and nobody gets hurt."
Harry is mortally wounded trying to steal some top shelf liquor.  You sigh and sit on a park bench next to Todd Howard, who thinks everything just works and wants to help you on your journey.
"The world just doesn't make sense," you say aloud to nobody.
You get up and sigh again, the park bench feeling like a bed of nails.
You remember that you're broke now and can't even afford to give a proper burial to Harry.
It's been a terrible day.
> You cast a cremation spell on Harry's body.
You walk over to Harry's corpse, conjuring up a fireball in your hand.
Eventually, you get his body burnt down to a skeleton. You sit on the park bench, keeping an eye out for the guards.
> You your barbeque is interrupted by the roar of a great dragon descending on the city.
You and even Todd get up and run towards the city wall.
A black, winged beast lands on the top of the city wall, letting out a growl that shakes you to your core.
You run inside a grab Ticket # 69 at the employment office, where we are trying to get a Skyrimjob.
"I'll take one!" you say to the orc at the counter.
You walk outside and see a fierce-looking orc.
The fierce orc takes one step towards you before being crushed by the Kool Aid Man exploding from wall and yelling, "Oh yeah!"
A small note falls out of his pocket and the cool aide walks towards you.
"Take this note to Big Loser Mountain in Falkreath," he whispers. "And hurry, before the guards see me!"
you graciously accept your duty to deliver this note. As you leave Rorikstead you read the note. It says:
Dear Daddy,
I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I really don't want to marry Dr. Nickels...
You arrive atop Big Loser Mountain and see your sweet roll sitting on a rock.  You are finally reunited! You pick it up and dust it off. You're surprised it doesn't have any bite marks, considering how aggressive the wildlife in this region is.
Your reunion is cut short when the dragon that was flying above Rorikstead lands.
as you sink your teeth into the delicious sticky soft treat you level up and gain the following Dragonborn Powers:
Dragon Sight: You can see life forces and auras of living beings.
You can see life forces and auras of living beings. Dragonskin: Your skin is tough like dragon hide, protecting you from damage.
You run from the dragon and go straight to the sweet roll shop where you run into M'aiq the Liar, who is aware of the fact that this is an AI generated story.  You try to talk to him, but the plot-holes in his story are too big and you both fall through.
The moral of the story: If you have a bad plot-hole in your story, it will consume you. Fortunately, there is another chapter to this story...