EP 517 – Story #3 – Richard Bananas – You are Richard Bananas, the great-ape Detective.

Posted under Episode 517, Story On By Chief

You are Richard Bananas, the great-ape Detective. Every day, you have to explain to disappointed clients that you are a detective that exclusively solves chimp-related crimes, not that you are any sort of monkey. However, a beauty in a red dress saunters into your office one day, with the first Ape Crime of your career:
 "A chimp named Julius has been accused by his mother of eating her prized potted plant."
"Well," you say as you look at this young lady. She is quite striking for someone so young and pretty;
 she has long, dark hair that hangs down over her shoulders and falls across her chest like an exotic waterfall, which makes it hard to see if she's wearing anything underneath. Her eyes are wide and round and full of life, but her face seems strangely familiar to you.

> You tell her she does not need to seduce you, you are on the case!

"Oh!" says the woman. "I'm sorry. I didn't know who else to go to, but I knew I had to find out what happened to my precious little Julius. He never did do things like this before.

> You decide to waste no time investigating and pay Little Julius a late visit.

It was getting close to sunset when you arrived at the apartment building where Julius lives with his mother and father. The neighborhood was quiet, save for the sounds of children playing and dogs barking. You could smell something burning from somewhere nearby, probably a grill or barbecue.

Little Julius sees you and immediately gives chase! You follow him out the fire escape, but he is already onto the roof of the building. You follow him up and confront him about smashing the potted plant.

"No," he whines as he looks around nervously, trying to spot his mother. "That's not true!"
He points to a large bush just outside the window and then back inside.

You notice Cory from AIPD's ape costume.

 "What are you doing here?" you ask. "We're looking for a criminal, not a cute boy."
"Cute boy? Me? Oh, right. I forgot," Cory replies.

While you are distracted, Little Julius manages to escape.

 As you chase after him, Cory turns to leave. You catch up with Cory and give him a good slap.
"Where'd you come from?!" you shout. "This is private property!"
As Cory turns away again, you realize he is wearing a gorilla costume underneath his clothes.

Only it's not a costume, Cory is a young gorilla and unleashes he strength upon you!

 You feel yourself being lifted off the ground.
"You can't hold me like that!" you yell while struggling against the ropes that bind your hands behind your back.
"Why should I let you go?"

You are saved when the Kool Aid Man burst out of the roof and yells, "Oh yeah!"

Cory lets loose of his grip and leaps backward. The Kool Aid Man charges toward him with a mighty swing of his hammer and punches Cory squarely in the gut, sending him flying off the side of the building.

Cory falls onto a car below and dies. You and the Kool Aid Man look down at what happened.

 Cory lies dead in the street, covered with blood.
The Kool Aid Man takes his hammer and smashes the car Cory landed on.
"Nice work, pal," he says as he wipes his brow.

> You lean in for a kiss with the Kool Aid Man.

"Don't think so, pal."
Your lips meet his in a violent smack, leaving you both gasping for breath.
"Wow, you sure are strong!" you exclaim. "How'd you learn how to fight like that?"
"Hang on, pal," he says as he swings his hammer in front of you. "First we'll get this car outta the way."
He lifts the car off the ground, slams it onto its side, and sends it crashing through a brick wall.

Kool Aid Man then explains that he learned to fight from

 watching TV, specifically wrestling. It's all very confusing until he suddenly grabs your arm and says, "Let's go!"
He leads you to a ladder that leads to a hole in the roof of the apartment complex.
 You climb down into the attic crawlspace and find a small tunnel leading deeper underground.
"Follow me," says the Kool Aid Man.
He picks up a lantern and lights it with some kindling.

You realize the Kool Aid Man is taking you to Little Julius's secret hideout.

Little Julius has been busy. There is a pile of bricks in one corner and several bags of flour scattered everywhere. His mother is nowhere in sight.
"Julius!" you call out. "It's me!
 Your friend!"
He doesn't answer. He keeps working, stacking the bricks higher and higher.
"Hey!" shouts the Kool Aid Man. "Leave the kid alone!"
"Come on, man," Little Julius mutters.

You realize Little Julius is tossing barrels down at you, but you are able to dodge and jump over them as you make your way up. You finally are face to face with Little Julius and you read him his rights as you arrest him.

"Now listen up, buddy," you say. "If you don't cooperate, there will be serious consequences."
You handcuff him to a pipe in the wall and drag him down to the floor.
Little Julius struggles against the rope and kicks you in the shin. "You got nothing on me," he says defiantly.

You reveal that you do have something on him:

 a bag full of explosives.
"I'm not going to blow myself up," he insists. "Not unless you really mess with my family."
You tell him that Cory found out about the bomb and planted it himself.

The moral of the story:

 Don't trust gorillas.
Little Julius glares at Cory.
"Well, that's your fault," he growls. "So why didn't you stop him?"
Cory shrugs.